UGH! Teach respect and limits by taking away their boots?

Does anyone else think the following is absurd?

Pennsylvania school district bans fur-lined boots

Published January 27, 2012

| Associated Press

POTTSTOWN, Pa. –  A suburban Philadelphia middle school’s ban on a popular type of fur-lined boots isn’t about fashion, it’s about cellphones.

Pottstown Middle School parents were informed of the new ban on the unlaced boots on Wednesday.

District community relations director John Armato tells the Pottstown Mercury students are using the boots to hide cellphones and bring them into class. Current school policy allows students to bring their phones to school but requires them to be kept in their locker during the day.

Armato says the ban targets the unlaced boots with fur or faux fur lining made by footwear companies including Ugg. It goes into effect Monday.

Principal Gail Cooper says students can still wear the boots to school, but must remove them before going to class.

I speak out about very few things, but I believe that governing what a person may or may not wear, really does border on infringing their  freedom of expression. I make allowances for limiting potentially offensive or provocative clothing probably because it has been a rule since I was in high school, which is why perhaps I swallow that pill a bit easier, but I still struggle with myself for being so malleable. 

I get very annoyed when I hear people in my community mention Obama being a communist or socialist, and then they hand me a flyer to promote a school uniform in a public school and I WANT TO SCREAM, “you can’t get anymore socialist than a uniform in a public school (a public school being a socialist concept and the uniform eliminating any sign of social elitism)!!!”

So what is it that we are trying to teach our kids? What is the lesson here? That it is rude and disrespectful to text while in class not to mention distracting?  Instead of teaching them respect or temperance we take away their right to wear their warm shoes to school? I want so badly to put my most sarcastic foot in my mouth and to blame Newt Gingrich for this, but I will NOT digress that far, this time.

I will tell you that I owned a t-shirt in high school that said, ‘life is a bed of roses, but watch out for the pricks’ which I was not allowed to wear, and I understood that if one didn’t have a proper sense of humor it might be deemed as offensive, as were the ‘grab a Heini’ t-shirts of my day, nor would I have tried to take a cell phone to class if it were against the rules because I have an internal moral barometer that tells me which limits to push and which rules to follow. Thankfully no one had to take my shoes away to teach me that.

I bumble for ya, I bumble for ya, I bumble for YOU-EW!

Yes, I blog and I am a mom. I am a mom who blogs about being a mom and the unexpected twists that technology sometimes brings to the experience. I am certainly not a savant, nor would I consider myself technologically inclined by any means so please forgive me if I use the wrong terminology here. I started this blog, the tech free teen as I noticed my teens losing touch with the reality that I have come to know through my life experience. Perhaps it was really the fact that I felt excluded from their private worlds and I know that part of it was fear of my 12-year-old being exposed to more than I wanted for her, but she is a very intelligent child and has an affinity for computers who in the past year has matured some and I have grown to trust her reasoning abilities more. Unlike my other two children she has always obsessed about someone or something. I remember her being hysterical at age four because a friend refused to say he would marry her. He refused because he was planning on marrying his mother. Then she had hard crushes beginning in first grade, she would torture her chosen boy by adoring him resolutely. Then she moved on to infatuation with The Naked Brothers Band, then The Jonas Brothers, she went through a brief Michael Jackson phase where she would scream at the dinner table if anyone mocked  ‘MJ’ with a Weird Al lyric. Moving on she tried Hollywood Undead then back to Justin Bieber.  Now it is JC Caylen and Mau (pronounced MOW) she is following the cutest ‘YouTubers’ with a keen eye.

Here’s where I will show my ignorance: She now spends hours creating what I call animated vignettes (they are probably called something else in her world) for her Tumblr Blog which is mostly about the re-blogging of her favorite ‘YouTubers’, if you have no idea what I’m talking about give me a high-five because I am WAY out of my element here. Yesterday I was unloading the dishwasher and I said, “what are you tumbling about today honey?” To which she replied with great disdain, “MOM! It’s called blogging, I HATE it when people call it Tumbling!” Oh my, I thought, I had struck another of her nerves and how stupid can one mother be? Really frick’n stupid if you ask her. I begged forgiveness and corrected myself. Here’s the thing – I am wholly impressed by these little creations of hers which have been re-blogged many times by other tumblr people (Afraid to call them tumblrs… btway off topic: I can’t not sing Culture Club’s “I tumble for you” when I say tumblr, in fact it’s playing inside my head as I type) and she is in contact with the ‘YouTubers’ who are also impressed. If you aren’t impressed you should google the incomes for these ‘little YouTubers’ -yes in the six figures, I’m considering getting a Bieber haircut and becoming one myself! What frightens the mother in me is that many of them are video taping themselves while they drive and let’s face it they don’t look old enough to drive -let alone with only one hand on the wheel. I digress -constantly!

Maybe I should start my own blogging site for idiot parents and call it blabbering or bumbling… Hey I already trademarked those ideas so don’t even think about it! My point? Oh yes, oh no, I don’t think I had one I just wanted to brag about my little genius, JK really! I’m too tired to learn to tumble, I’ve already learned tweeting and blogging and texting -I think I’m good, but I am impressed (I just wanted to say it again, I haven’t forgotten I already said it up there) with my youngest child’s creative talents and although I do like to get face to face with them (my children) occasionally I am not completely techNO, in fact I have great friends that I have met on the internet, some I have met in person and some I haven’t -shhh don’t tell my kids. Anyway I just thought that I’d state the obvious today and tell you that there is quite a bit of good out there which is why I am considering changing the name of my blog. All good idea’s welcome!

What? Teen drama? I hadn’t noticed any drama.

Have you seen the ABC Family program The Secret Life of the American Teenager? Well, my soon to be 14-year-old daughter and I are watching the series on Netflix and are somewhere around episode 30. Yesterday we counted them using the word sex a little over 40 times in one episode, even the minister said sex. Which takes the subliminal right out of the message doncha think? They never use slang terminology which I find annoying, but I’m clearly not in charge here. This show has Asian kids, African-American kids, Downs kids, pregnant kids, promiscuous and sexually active kids, sexually abused kids, Christian kids and after our latest episode, gay kids. It has divorcing parents, pregnant parents, lying parents, dying parents, foster parents and gay parents, but unlike Glee it has no homeless families. Maybe that will happen in a later episode; if not shame on you ABC Family for forgetting someone. They are reaching out to every demographic in one show. It’s a little like a train wreck although it makes me feel good about myself and my kids, while a train wreck doesn’t make me feel good about anything.

We have a screwy family, but not television screwy. One of the lines in a recent episode was, “she’s pregnant and her parents are getting divorced, what else could go wrong?” To which I replied,  “a brain tumor?” My kids laughed. Why are we watching it? Because my rising 9th grader was told by her friends that this was a show to watch. The messages are clear, the cast speaks to the audience after each segment telling both teen and parent to discuss sex, get help for sexual abuse or whatever the issue du jour. I find it tedious, but I am happy to see that my daughter also sees the overtly dramatic, as well as the humor in all the drama, and watching it together has been a wonderful experience. I wouldn’t recommend having your young teen watch it without you as it could be interpreted as a ‘how to’ have issues or get issues for a small town, sheltered kid such as mine. There is something for everyone in this show. (except the homeless) It’s not reality TV or a soap opera per se, but it is ridiculously addictive in a pseudo educational kind of way. And if you’re wondering what Molly Ringwald looks like all grown up; she’s still a redhead with a crooked smile and an odd fashion sense…. see there really is something for everyone in this show!

Parenthood is one big cruel game of ‘Would You Rather?’

Okay so my youngest turned twelve yesterday and as cruel as fate is sometimes she had two items on her birthday wish list: Playstation3 OR a drum set!!!! Please take your time and let that sink in, what would you get her for her birthday?

Meanwhile back at the ranch she has taken to her brother’s xbox 360, which he got for Christmas last year from his father. And because it is HIS game he wants her to call him and ask permission to use it when he is not at home even after I have given my permission for her to use it. So he and I had a little discussion regarding his sole ownership of said gaming device, the fact that he does not own the TV that it is connected to or the house in which it is contained he shall not deny any use while he is not at home. Today while I was waiting for his twin sister to finish cheerleading practice and he went to a friend’s house I got a call from my youngest who was at home with her friend. She called to ask if she could play xbox. I said yes. A few minutes later I get a second call, “Mom he took the controls with him, we can’t play xbox.”  He took those controls even after our friendly little convo??? Now you know I am not a fan of these damn games, but this is starting to piss me off. Why can’t she play the game when he isn’t home? Why do they each have to OWN the game console. If you have to give the game as a gift then I think these stupid games should be given as a family gift. This afternoon I had to give my son another lecture regarding the game that I have now removed from the TV because I am sick of the conflict that it causes. I will send the damn thing to his father’s house, because I’ve had it. They don’t need another thing to fight over. Deathglare.

SO….. would you rather buy a 12-year-old girl a drum set or another gaming device? I got my 12-year-old daughter (with ADHD) an effing drum set for her birthday. I also got her some bubbles, some sidewalk chalk a couple of CDs, and a board game – kinda hoping she only put the drums on her list to push me toward the Playstation. While I was leaving the store with those quiet items I told the woman behind the counter that I had just bought a drum set and would now be going to the liquor store. Then I went to the music store and got an extra set of sticks and some sheet music as well as the name of an instructor. Because if there is one thing that my twins being in the sixth grade band taught me, it’s that the only thing worse than someone playing the drums, or a sax, or a clarinet in your living room it’s someone not playing well! If you have ever been to a sixth grade band concert I’m sure you can appreciate that statement and if you haven’t, then think fingernails on a chalkboard while a tone-deaf chorus sings The Sound of Music Soundtrack. Quite honestly though I prefer that noise to the idea of my kid wasting away on xbox . Not to be a martyr, okay I’ll be a martyr – I consider my suffering a small price to pay for the life experience of my child’s musical education. Actually for some reason I just can’t stand the idea of a child spending endless hours in front of a TV playing a video game while I never sit down trying to keep the floors clean, the dishes washed and the laundry done.

Tech-Free-Sunday is a board game day, not a bored game day.

It seems that the longer Tech-Free-Sunday goes on the more relaxed it becomes. Generally speaking the kids know what to expect, that’s not to say that there isn’t the rebel who tries to sneak in some xbox while I’m out of the house. (You know who you are!) They still turn in their cell phones, iPods and computers on Saturday night and no longer ask, but do know that they will get them back on Monday morning and I know they will be texting before their feet hit the floor. I wonder if it feels less stressful because the time passed has made it a habit or if it’s easier because of the weather in the summer. Maybe both and to be honest whatever the reason I’m not going to ‘look a gift horse in the mouth.’ (what a strange expression)  Anyway not one complaint of boredom yesterday, I guess it’s not difficult for them to stay outside with their friends on a beautiful Sunday in July, and when the kids are indoors the board games come out instead of the TV going on.  I like seeing Monopoly, Sorry and Scrabble all out on the coffee table. I don’t care if they aren’t put away at least the kids are playing, cheating and bickering together.  Swimming, bicycling, boating, conversing and playing board games are all great ways to spend ones time so why wouldn’t they enjoy themselves? I think they might subconsciously like the break that Tech-Free-Sunday offers although I know they would never admit it. I really enjoy these days even if they don’t; they remind me of my childhood. The good ol’ days when we used to go for a Sunday drive in the family vehicle; the covered wagon and play ‘Miss Mary Mack’ or ‘Rock, paper, scissors.’

Last night at bedtime instead of saying, “turn off the TV.” I said, “No you can NOT finish that game of Monopoly tonight. Because it never ends that’s why. No I don’t know how long it actually takes, it’s usually over when someone dies of old age I think. You have to get up for practice in the morning and need a good night sleep, you can resume your game after practice.” Hearing those words come out of my mouth makes the birds sing. Ah… it’s the simple things in life that make all the difference. To think they might actually want to finish the game on a MONDAY is a beautiful thing! We’ll see.

Parenting is not easy and being a good parent is not for the lazy or the faint of heart. I’m not always lazy or good, but I think  that the ease of plopping your infant or toddler down in front of the TV makes accomplishing your work doable, but the reality is that Sesame Street becomes a computer later on, and before you know it your kids are grown. Yesterday, I had to listen while my youngest complained about having to sit through an activity next to her sister and I thought, ‘you know what, at least she is looking at me whining and not sitting in front of the computer chatting with some stranger, so suck it up Mama.’ Every moment with your kids can be a treasure if you chose for it to be that way… See how Zen I become after an electronics free Sunday? Yeah right,  most of the time I have a difficult time seeing the treasure through the flames as my head explodes from the frustration.

TFS# 9; Tech Free Teens take to the road.

We got the call Friday afternoon. Seeing my uncle’s number appear on my cell phone immediately brought a sense of dread. I looked at the name and the number on my cell phone and was tempted not to answer. My grandmother was placed in hospice care about 3 weeks ago and so I thought I might rather hear the news my uncle was calling to deliver via the voice mail, but I tentatively answered the phone anyway. “Hello”? My uncle asked if I was sleeping. I said, “No I just saw your name and number and I am prepared for the worst, what is it”? He told me that she was bad, and getting worse and didn’t have much time left. So if there can be anything fortunate about the death of a loved one, my kids being on Spring Break this week made traveling North immediately not only possible, but not the least bit inconvenient. I waited for the kids to get home from school on Friday, we packed the ‘big rig’ (my moose killing Suburban) and left NC at almost 10 pm. I prefer to take this nine hour drive at night when there is less traffic and the kids are more likely to sleep in the car rather than purposefully annoy each other the entire ride.

They packed their pillows and a blanket, wearing comfy clothes and got all their gadgets charged up for the ride. At midnight I said that all devices needed to be turned off and it was time to sleep. My youngest of course fought this tooth and nail, meanwhile waking anyone who had been sleeping in the process. We arrived at Grammy’s at 7 am Saturday morning, I took a nap and then we all went to see my grandmother. When we got back I had to lay down for a few minutes and when I got up  all 5 kids AND my mother were on their own tech devices, either a laptop, a cell phone or an iPod. I marveled at the sight. -Visiting Grandma and face-timing each other wile sitting beside each other on the sofa. If there had been any doubt as to whether or not we would be going tech-free on Sunday, the answer was clear: ABSOLUTELY! My youngest sister brought two of her kids of to spend the night with their cousins and her significant other walked into the room and said, “wow, everyone has their own gadget going on and is in their own world”. Yes! Uncle W, thank you for your astute observation…. There is no bedtime at Grammy’s house, and so at midnight I asked one of the boys to go around to all the other kids and collect the gadgets in a cat food box my mother had been getting ready to recycle.

My mother took 7 children to church Sunday morning, so while the house was empty, and before I went to spend time with my grandmother I had to hide 5 laptops, 5 cellphones, 5 iPod’s and one PSP. Before we left the oldest asked if Grammy had ‘veto power’ on the Tech-Free Sunday concept and I said, “NO”! -knowing full well that of course she did, she could feed them pure sugar cane all day long if she wanted to, but instead my mother and all the kids went for a hike after church, and spent the rest of the day playing outside on a five story playground they call ‘the castle’. I was sure it was going to be difficult for my mother who proudly proclaims to anyone who will listen, that she is a ‘web master’. When I had gotten up from my rest on Saturday evening and she and my daughter were ‘face timing’ on their iPod Touches, while sitting next to each other on the sofa I thought we would meet some resistance, there really wasn’t any. When I got home Sunday night from my grandmother’s house they were playing the boys against the girls in a game of “Catch Phrase” and proudly announced that they had found all the laptops. My mother defiantly told me she knew where the cell phones were as if I had been hiding them from her too. I wondered how long they searched before they found everything. They told me they had baked ziti for dinner and made brownies for desert and oddly to me it appeared that they embraced Tech-Free Sunday and I think were proud of themselves for it. They had a great day and didn’t complain about not having access to their worlds.

Another successful TFS, I think, even though I wasn’t there to monitor; but no one died and so we will do it again next Sunday.

Tech-Free Sunday # 8; I think we might be getting the hang of this!!!

I have found that we really are adjusting to our Tech-Free Sunday. The kids no longer complain, they know what to expect, that is not to say that I don’t catch them trying to cheat, but in my opinion our little social experiment has made each of us more aware of how much time we spend interacting online or via text etc, and in certain children I have noticed an improved attitude while tech-free, and in other children I have noticed less time spent during the rest of the week, and then there is the sneak factor as there is with anything forbidden….. (more on that later) We had a very busy day… my son decided that we should have steak on the grill for dinner, which was nice and easy, so that made getting our rooms clean, all the laundry done possible (sort of) I AM SO GONNA VEER OFF HERE:

For as long as I have been a parent (13 years) I have been trying to get all the laundry done; it’s is IMPOSSIBLE! Have you ever noticed that?  I mean, I will even take off what I am wearing and do one final load after I have asked everyone if they have any dirty laundry just so the hamper will be empty. I have this weird obsession with the completion of this task – I know it’s futile, but I think I have some kind of OCD issue with it, which is ridiculous I KNOW…which leaves me standing naked in front of the washing machine with that happy feeling that IT’S ALL DONE, when I have to grab something to cover myself, quickly take a shower and make some more clothes dirty?! Logic? -there isn’t any! Meanwhile: when I get back to throw the final load in the dryer, the hamper is FULL and overflowing again! How is this possible? -this is what I call “the laundry ambush”! I hate the laundry ambush!!!  Someone was half-listening when I asked if all the dirty laundry was in the laundry room, then when they can’t find a clean pair of underwear they finally bring me every article of clothing they own! GAH! As I said it is never done… back to our Sunday -sorry about the detour:

So we changed sheets yesterday, because it didn’t get done on Saturday and we did our chores, because they didn’t get done on Saturday either, and then we went “in to town” (that’s what us country folk say) to go shopping. Only because we HAD to: every morning before school (for a week) my son had been taping the sole back on to his favorite pair of shoes, we also had to buy a new color cartridge for the printer (which is half the price of a brand new printer! I am tempted to buy a new printer every other time I have to change the cartridge) so an English project could be printed. Let me say right here that I am not a fan of shopping in general. I like the “veni, vidi, vici” method, but that is not possible with a 13-year-old girl on the hunt for an 8th grade formal dress. Lucky for me, (heah in tha south) everything closes at 5 pm on Sundays, so our time was restricted by the Bible. I was never so grateful! We got our steaks, got home, ate, cleaned up and just lounged around… did I mention that I have a PETA card carrying 11-year-old? Yes I do, so we didn’t ALL eat red meat, with our baked potato and salad; one of us had a veggie burger. 🙂 (as if you care)

I wanted to mention here that I take my cell phone with me when I leave the house on these days. I do leave it in the car when I go into a store, but I check it when I get back in the car just in case of an emergency. The idea of Tech-Free Sunday was more a lesson for my children who were constantly connected with their friends and spending less and less time with family even when they were at home. They weren’t listening; an important part of having a conversation, which I found rude as well as frustrating. I wanted one day where it really was, family day and to remind the kids that there are other things to do besides texting. The importance of learning manners while being so overly-connected is a difficult concept to teach; ‘PUT THE PHONE DOWN, please step away from the phone’! I was constantly having to say, so I declared Tech-Free Sunday. One person mentioned not having a land-line and if that is the case and you want to try tech-free you can always change your recording on your cell to say something like; ‘ I am spending time with my family today and will be unavailable by cell phone, please text me in an emergency’, and then just check your phone every hour or so… Going tech-free for one day a week is not necessary for every family, but I thought it was for ours. There definitely has been a change for the better for us, and if you want to try it do what ever feels right for you and your family. I think going tech-free is just as challenging, if not more, for adults… I recommend everyone try it even if it’s only for a few hours, the world will not stop I promise!

And so….. another Tech-Free Sunday, where no one died for lack of gadget, therefore we will do it again, next week…. 🙂

If you’re gonna do Tech-Free Sunday -Do it your way!

While I was at my daughter’s soccer game a mom came up to me and told me that their family was going to try Tech-Free Sunday tomorrow too, and she asked if we watch TV and I said, no WE don’t, but it doesn’t mean you can’t. We do listen to radio, and while cooking we have listened to iPod’s thru an iHome; where each kid got to share their personal genre with the family, that way my “Hollywood Undead” lovin’ daughter didn’t kill my “Cat Stevens” lovin’ son and vice versa. My thought is no personal devices requiring ear buds taking you away from interacting with your family. I think if your family is going to try it, you should try it in a way that makes you comfortable.  The first time you try it you might feel miserably Amish, (I’m not worried about offending the Amish since they shouldn’t be reading this blog) but remember they don’t have electricity or running water and that should help keep things perspective. We still use our electricity and of course running water as well as motorized vehicles, and it still isn’t easy. Another mom told me their family might try it too and she asked if I give up alcohol on this day too… I laughed, and won’t tell you exactly what I said, but I will say that there is always wine served with dinner…(The day I had to listen to Hollywood Undead for a half hour  -ummmm, no I don’t give up alcohol on this day of all days.) I might be crazy, but I’m not THAT crazy! This mom said she wasn’t interested in doing all that cooking together stuff, which is absolutely fine. I just happen to have a son who loves to cook and I am learning to enjoy the company in the kitchen while I prepare dinner.  However, I must say that the first two times I had “help” in the kitchen I secretly wanted to pull my hair out because I had to think of things for them to do instead of just doing it myself like I usually do, which was just as hard for me as it was for them, but I have come to enjoy it and rely on their help. Remember before, everyone was off in their own worlds texting, or chatting, or what-evering and I was alone in the kitchen cooking, then I would call them for dinner, and it was like a bunch of strangers showed up at the table to scarf down their meals and hurry back off to their own worlds again.

Since I talked to two people about it today I thought I might do a quick “Saturday Evening Post” about it just in case your family is thinking of trying it. A fun way to start is by having everyone in the family make a list of 101 things  to do when your bored, and share it with each other, these lists can be pretty funny, but also something to refer to when you are feeling lost without your cell phone. If you are stuck indoors I suggest board games, cards, we played word games with the thesaurus, we tried a debate (EPIC FAIL), we talk a lot, we have given facials and even tried ear coning. When I was growing up, we did a lot of puppet shows, plays, we had marionettes and would do performances, we made up commercials… you are only as limited as your imagination, make it up as you go. As the weather has gotten a bit warmer the kids are spending more time outside, where they can hula hoop, ride bicycles, play wiffle ball, play tag, blow bubbles, go fishing, give the dog a bath, do a treasure hunt or whatever.  A lot of our day seems to be spent planning, shopping for and preparing for our family meal, which I do like to get everyone involved in. It gives the family a sense of community, it makes me feel more a part of that community rather than just the laborer, and I think the kids really like being in charge of a particular part of the meal for example, put one in charge of dessert and another in charge of the salad and give them a stack of cook books, they have to do that in the morning so that there is time to shop for ingredients. I understand why the whole cooking thing might sound like too much, but if you’re feeling brave think of it as putting a book (a cookbook) in their hands first thing in the morning, it uses math skills (because with a family our size we have to double or triple recipes),  attention to detail is required to read the recipes and follow directions and teaches life skills at the same time, but if you are going to try it, do what feels right for you and your family.

Side note: Today my youngest went to her friends house to play for the afternoon and I asked that she leave her cell phone and her iPod at home. I told her it was rude to text other friends while she was spending time with one friend, this is the first time I have done this, but I think it will be a another new standing rule. I told her that if she needed to call me that I know that their family has a home phone and they have cell phones and I have all those numbers, and guess what when I got there the two girls had been riding a tandem bicycle and were talking face to face, with nothing in their hands . My daughter’s face and hands and legs were dirty like an 11-year-old who spent all day outside should look, I am excited, a dirty kid means it was a good day in my book!

Thank you S. for having her and our next lesson will be making eye contact when thanking someone for having you, and sounding like you mean it!

Life happens too quickly sometimes.

This post is going to be kind of Random, but I had a friend pass away suddenly yesterday morning from a heart attack. He was in his late seventies, but the age of a person really doesn’t matter when you lose someone you love. His wife is devastated and keeps replaying her last evening with him by repeating what they talked about, what they did, how they had eaten dinner outside on their new “Tuscan picnic table”, and how she had made him sit with her on the hammock in their ‘secret’ garden. She said he didn’t really want to of course, but she made him. It made me giggle inside that “at their age” they still enjoyed moments like that up til the very last moment. He was very accommodating and he did whatever she asked, and sometimes she asked a lot; sometimes he would do it quietly and sometimes he would make his opinions known, but he knew that his words would fall on deaf ears and so he did as his bride asked. He was a wonderful man, he loved a cold beer and loved someone to share one with, he also love a good glass of scotch, and he loved to share that as well. If you went to their home you knew you would be there a while, because you couldn’t have just one glass of wine while you chatted, he made sure your glass was never empty. Even after you had said, “no thank you, I’ve had enough”. He would refill your glass and grin the most wonderful, toothy, devilish grin you’ve ever seen and say, “awwwww, just one more”. I’m sure there must have been someone somewhere along the way who was able to resist his charms, but I couldn’t. There really is no other way to describe him other than to say that he was a wonderful man. His wife would often complain about him and the way he did this or that, but he was a man of few words, however there was a sparkle in his eye; he loved his wife, although she will say he never told her so, but he worried about her non-stop and you could see in his eyes that he thought she was the most beautiful woman on Earth.

They have 3 daughters and 1 son, and if I tried I might be able to count how many grandchildren and I think 2 great-grandchildren, but they always had more than enough love to take in more. I remember the first day I met her; I was new to North Carolina, and a single mother with three young children stands out I guess, especially in a town as small as the one we live in. Since I really didn’t know many people I was surprised when someone knocked on my door, but when I answered the door there she was; like a tornado and a ray of sunshine all rolled into one! I told her I was painting my family room  and the house was a mess, but I invited her in anyway. I put down my paintbrush and she sat down and started chatting as if I had known her all my life. She invited my daughter to come play with her granddaughter, and from that point forward it was as if my children and I were part of their family. When I went to her home yesterday, after hearing the news, I got to see (as I had already known) that I was not the only one; there were so many people there for her, people that both of them had loved, and fed, and had sit at their bar or by their pool. What an amazing family they are; of that family he was the quieter member, but had no less impact on me, I loved him and I knew that he cared for me too. His wife will go on, but at the moment she doesn’t know how, and there is nothing that you can say to someone who has lost a love that will have any real meaning, they must grieve. Death is the final part of the cycle of life, which is so difficult for those left grieving to grasp. Most people hope to die of old age, while others don’t have that much time. Regardless of how little or how much time a person has on this planet a death always makes me question the meaning of life. The best that I have ever come up with is that life is short, sometimes too short, but it’s about the experiences you have and the people you share them with. I always say that after one generation a person’s existence really doesn’t matter anymore, but I guess the point is that it mattered at all.

Death often broadens my perspective, it makes me want to worry less and love more. It makes me want to hug my children and be there for the people I love when they need me, because life is not guaranteed. Sometimes we become so self-absorbed, and involved in our daily routines and problems, that we fail to see the greater picture, which is that this is the only chance we’re going to get, so might as well make it count. Don’t hold back a hug, don’t hold on to anger or money for that matter (you can’t take it with you). Live life generously in every sense of the word, be a ray of sunshine wrapped in a tornado, impact people, love people, care for them, cherish them with the full knowledge that tomorrow is not a given. Sit in the hammock, eat every meal like it’s your last and make it at a Tuscan picnic table if you can!  I have to go watch my daughter play soccer now, but please enjoy the time you have with the people you love. Cheers!

Welcome to THE LAND OF ENTITLEMENT, may I see your Passport please?

“You forgot to bring your passport with you today? Oh your dog ate your passport? You just didn’t feel like looking for it? Oh that’s okay, come on in, you deserve it, the rules don’t apply to YOU silly.”

I had a friend (and a mother of a teen) stop over last night and I asked her what she thought I should blog about and her response was, “entitlement.” This appears to be a much larger topic than I first anticipated so this may have to be the first in an ‘entitlement series’ of posts. So let us begin our journey to the Land of Entitlement. It appears that there are some young people (and some not so young, as this is not a new thing; apparently there is an entire generation called the ‘Me Generation’) who feel strongly that they deserve laptops, iPods, cell phones, Uggs and straight A’s without having to work for them. Why do they feel they way and how do they get there? Whose fault is it? Is that what you want to know? Well I have a few theories, but let’s start with the old fashioned definition of the word:

According to Merriam-Webster the definition of entitlement is:1 a : the state or condition of being entitled : right b : a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract 2: a government program providing benefits to members of a specified group; also : funds supporting or distributed by such a program 3: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges

I have heard myself say to my children, “having a cell phone is not a right, having an iPod is not a right, having a laptop is not a right, all of those things are luxuries and not necessity, therefore consider the use of those items a privilege, and when you do not follow the rules your privileges will be revoked as a consequence.” Remember me writing about the middle school art teacher blogging about the function of failure and it teaching far more than the success of an ‘A’? Have you noticed that school awards ceremonies now take days because everyone gets an award for something? Nobody wants to hurt anyone’s feelings; but an award is supposed to be just that – a symbol of excellence.

How about sports trophies? Are you a parent who believes that every child deserves one for participating in a recreational team sport or is the fact that you paid the registration fee, the kid got a jersey or uniform, he or she likely had fun and possibly learned something reward enough? Are you okay with watching your son or daughter see a peer from a rival team get the championship trophy while they clap and show good sportsmanship? Remember when a trophy used to mean something?  It meant for that one moment in time, you were the best. Don’t you think it loses its meaning, even just a little bit, when everyone gets one? What are we teaching our children? That everyone gets an award just for showing up?

I was talking to my kids about an article written by a Chinese mother about the differences between raising children in the Chinese culture vs the US culture. I asked my kids what they thought about Asian kids and they all said, “they’re really smart!” So I asked how do you think they got that way? They all thought it was genetics, but the real answer is they WORK really hard at it because it’s what is expected of them. In the Chinese culture (and most Asian cultures), honoring your family and your ancestors is of utmost importance, and if you are a slacker and don’t try to become a master of whatever you attempt then you dishonor your family, which is a huge ‘no-no’. Meanwhile back at the ranch, how are your  kids? Do you spend hours in the car driving them to every activity under the sun and providing them with love, support, and every and anything else their hearts desire and then give them a trophy at the end of the day? Do they honor you? Do they show you the gratitude and respect that you deserve? No? Why not? Do you demand it? Do you expect it? The Chinese mom admitted in her article that she has no problem calling her child every name in the book, even humiliating him publicly to get the desired result, which is ultimately respect and excellence all in the name of the child’s best interest.

Children (and some adults) must learn that if you want to be excellent you have to work hard to become that way. And in most cases, people who want to own something have to buy it, and in order to purchase it, they must use the local currency, and in order to have that guess what???? Give up? They have to work for it! NO WAY!!! Really? You mean it isn’t delivered on a silver platter by the butler? You mean if I spend all my money on gummy bears at the store yesterday and I want to buy three iTunes songs today I can’t have my mom write a note and make it so?