My face betrays me when it turns purple!

Have no fear reader dear, the war wages on.  The tech-NO battle is not won. This week on the reality show that is not aired on television (my life) we had a few tech (hell) -no moments. I took my daughters shopping on Saturday. “Number 14.5” is barely speaking to me these days unless she wants a ride somewhere or needs some money for something. She needed new undergarments (she takes after her mother) and needed to go up a cup size, but she wasn’t speaking to me or making eye contact. Which really annoys me and I try hard not to show it, but I think my face betrays me when it turns purple, those veins start bulging in my neck and forehead, and I start frothing at the mouth.  This happened only after she sat in the back row of the suburban with only 3 of us in the vehicle and I tried to talk to her with her iPod on and earbuds in for a half an hour. When someone refuses to make eye contact it’s really difficult to get their attention through the rear view mirror. She did not want to hear me or see me and it was making me crazy, but I bit my tongue until I checked on her in the dressing room and she instantly turned mopey. I ask her how things fit and discovered that she is trying on “push-up” bras, now that would be fine if she were a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, but we are here to move up into the ‘C cup’ range and I’m thinking, ‘uh, no way are you pushing them up any higher!’ So I tell her (in my most compassionate maternal tone), then I bring her some normal support wear, suddenly she is done shopping she doesn’t want to try on another thing. I have ruined it for her, and as we walk out of the dressing room she is texting someone. I imagine that I am being maligned via text to everyone and anyone who cares for wanting her to look less like a stripper and more like a virginal ninth grader. So I say, ‘give me that damn phone!’

I just wanted to delude myself into believing that my daughters and I could enjoy some time together, but I realized that we are never alone if they have their iPods or phones with them. Now because I have taken one phone I must take two. This is one of these moments when you hate parenting because you know that you are now about to suffer more than they are. I took the phone from daughter “Number 12.5” (almost a teen) and then my head begins to throb and my right ear starts bleeding because she’s sitting in the passenger’s seat and won’t shut-up now that I have her phone. Done shopping and back in the car I still try to maintain the ruse and I ask them if they want to go out for lunch.  Number 14.5 is ‘NOT hungry and doesn’t care,’ and Number 12.5 just wants her phone back…. Is it too early to start drinking that’s all I can think about is calming my nerves with alcohol. I shouldn’t admit that; I should say I thought of meditation or yoga to calm myself, but that would be a lie and not funny in a sad way at all!

I love, love, love my children more than life itself… (that saying makes me wonder, but I’ll save it for another time).

I bumble for ya, I bumble for ya, I bumble for YOU-EW!

Yes, I blog and I am a mom. I am a mom who blogs about being a mom and the unexpected twists that technology sometimes brings to the experience. I am certainly not a savant, nor would I consider myself technologically inclined by any means so please forgive me if I use the wrong terminology here. I started this blog, the tech free teen as I noticed my teens losing touch with the reality that I have come to know through my life experience. Perhaps it was really the fact that I felt excluded from their private worlds and I know that part of it was fear of my 12-year-old being exposed to more than I wanted for her, but she is a very intelligent child and has an affinity for computers who in the past year has matured some and I have grown to trust her reasoning abilities more. Unlike my other two children she has always obsessed about someone or something. I remember her being hysterical at age four because a friend refused to say he would marry her. He refused because he was planning on marrying his mother. Then she had hard crushes beginning in first grade, she would torture her chosen boy by adoring him resolutely. Then she moved on to infatuation with The Naked Brothers Band, then The Jonas Brothers, she went through a brief Michael Jackson phase where she would scream at the dinner table if anyone mocked  ‘MJ’ with a Weird Al lyric. Moving on she tried Hollywood Undead then back to Justin Bieber.  Now it is JC Caylen and Mau (pronounced MOW) she is following the cutest ‘YouTubers’ with a keen eye.

Here’s where I will show my ignorance: She now spends hours creating what I call animated vignettes (they are probably called something else in her world) for her Tumblr Blog which is mostly about the re-blogging of her favorite ‘YouTubers’, if you have no idea what I’m talking about give me a high-five because I am WAY out of my element here. Yesterday I was unloading the dishwasher and I said, “what are you tumbling about today honey?” To which she replied with great disdain, “MOM! It’s called blogging, I HATE it when people call it Tumbling!” Oh my, I thought, I had struck another of her nerves and how stupid can one mother be? Really frick’n stupid if you ask her. I begged forgiveness and corrected myself. Here’s the thing – I am wholly impressed by these little creations of hers which have been re-blogged many times by other tumblr people (Afraid to call them tumblrs… btway off topic: I can’t not sing Culture Club’s “I tumble for you” when I say tumblr, in fact it’s playing inside my head as I type) and she is in contact with the ‘YouTubers’ who are also impressed. If you aren’t impressed you should google the incomes for these ‘little YouTubers’ -yes in the six figures, I’m considering getting a Bieber haircut and becoming one myself! What frightens the mother in me is that many of them are video taping themselves while they drive and let’s face it they don’t look old enough to drive -let alone with only one hand on the wheel. I digress -constantly!

Maybe I should start my own blogging site for idiot parents and call it blabbering or bumbling… Hey I already trademarked those ideas so don’t even think about it! My point? Oh yes, oh no, I don’t think I had one I just wanted to brag about my little genius, JK really! I’m too tired to learn to tumble, I’ve already learned tweeting and blogging and texting -I think I’m good, but I am impressed (I just wanted to say it again, I haven’t forgotten I already said it up there) with my youngest child’s creative talents and although I do like to get face to face with them (my children) occasionally I am not completely techNO, in fact I have great friends that I have met on the internet, some I have met in person and some I haven’t -shhh don’t tell my kids. Anyway I just thought that I’d state the obvious today and tell you that there is quite a bit of good out there which is why I am considering changing the name of my blog. All good idea’s welcome!

Playing Possum

YOU CAN’T FOOL ME!

It’s been about two weeks since my high schoolers had a full day of school. Apparently in the current educational climate if a high school student has been in attendance most of the time, and has a score above a certain percentage then they are exempt from taking their final exam. Unless they attend school the day the exam is given, then they must take the exam with the rest of the kids, needless to say mine were home for a really long time and ate a lot, I digress. Of course last week being the end of the grading period the kids had off Monday and Tuesday of this week so that the teachers could do grades? Or attend a workshop? -I’m not sure. Regardless, today was the first day this week that all three of my children would be back on their school schedule and being that I am runner-up for mother of the year (a joke of course) I wanted them all in bed last night (with lights out) by ten pm. This may sound silly, but they seem to gravitate toward being wholly nocturnal when they are not on a school schedule, which I try not to take personally, and so it is necessary for me to bring them back to the daylight with incremental modification of their sleep habits.

I noticed something odd at about 10:20 pm; the house was silent. So I got up to say ‘good night’ to my children since they seemed to be sneaking to bed. I opened the door to my daughters’ room which was dark except for the glow of my eldest female offspring’s iPod. She would have known I was coming if she didn’t have her headphones on and wasn’t watching past episodes of Desperate Housewives on Netflix. So I smiled and held out my hand, she took off the headphones and handed me the iPod, then I said, “cell phone please.” Which she produced from under her covers, but before placing it my hand she had to send a final text to whomever she was communicating with. Meanwhile about 2 feet from where I stood is my youngest , a sweet child in middle school who appears to be pretending to be asleep already -only because she wasn’t wearing headphones and therefore heard my approach. I turn to her and say, “where is your iPod and cell phone My Love (sometimes I call her that)?” She responds almost too quickly, I really thought she might try to play the-pretend-sleeper a bit longer, but no, she tells me her things are on the floor next to her bed. So she snatches them up post-haste to hand them to me, but first she must shoot off one final text to whomever she was kvetching (I assume) with, at, to… I smile at our playful routine. They know that I have a rule ‘no more iPods or cell phones after 10 pm’ and if we had been on our normal school schedule they might turn them in or I might have to collect them, it depends on whether or not they think I might coming down with an early case of dementia. (I think again, -I’m just guessing at their motivation really)

I go to my son’s room next. He is entirely motionless and it’s completely dark in his room. Could it be that he is sleeping? I walk to his bedside to find out; I have to get very close in the dark to see, so I lean down and discover that he too is wearing headphones. I give him the benefit of the doubt and think perhaps he was listening to music and fell asleep. So I attempt to find the place where the headphones are connected to his iPod. I feel the thin strand of rubber coated wire, but cant seem to find the source. I’m groping in the dark quite a while when I think I notice a slight quaking, but I persevere in the name of a quality night’s sleep and then I feel it again -the quaking and I realize he is giggling. I too start to giggle and say, “give it to me you little devil.” Low and behold what does he produce from a place between his chest and his pillow? His iPod playing a movie on Netflix. I ask for his phone and he hands it to me. I tell him good night and I wander back to my bedroom with a large enough handful of technological booty to disturb the sleep of three very intelligent young people. I smile at my contraband and then I hear my daughters talking. Yes they do that if they aren’t wearing headphones and texting their friends at 10:20 pm on  school night.

The takeaway: I love being a parent and sometimes that means making the unpopular decisions for the health of my children. The funny thing is they expect that from me. It doesn’t mean they won’t try to ‘get away with murder’ if I let them, but they aren’t arguing either.

Do I have rollover minutes on my xbox time?

“You hate me!” My daughter says to me while trying to negotiate rollover minutes on the xbox. ‘UHHHH no,’ I say. “Use ’em or lose ’em,” I tell her. So she tried to negotiate her reading schedule. Then she demanded to know why if she didn’t read those minutes rolled over, but if she doesn’t play her 2 hours on xbox they don’t roll over, so I said, “because that’s too much math for me and too much potential for cheating for you.” I get death glare as her response. Again I must ask… WHY do kids think of reading as a punishment? I’m taking them to the library today. Muhahahaha!

I love my children with all my heart, but they can really wear me out, so I’ll give the librarian a run for her money!

Tech-Free Sunday # 8; I think we might be getting the hang of this!!!

I have found that we really are adjusting to our Tech-Free Sunday. The kids no longer complain, they know what to expect, that is not to say that I don’t catch them trying to cheat, but in my opinion our little social experiment has made each of us more aware of how much time we spend interacting online or via text etc, and in certain children I have noticed an improved attitude while tech-free, and in other children I have noticed less time spent during the rest of the week, and then there is the sneak factor as there is with anything forbidden….. (more on that later) We had a very busy day… my son decided that we should have steak on the grill for dinner, which was nice and easy, so that made getting our rooms clean, all the laundry done possible (sort of) I AM SO GONNA VEER OFF HERE:

For as long as I have been a parent (13 years) I have been trying to get all the laundry done; it’s is IMPOSSIBLE! Have you ever noticed that?  I mean, I will even take off what I am wearing and do one final load after I have asked everyone if they have any dirty laundry just so the hamper will be empty. I have this weird obsession with the completion of this task – I know it’s futile, but I think I have some kind of OCD issue with it, which is ridiculous I KNOW…which leaves me standing naked in front of the washing machine with that happy feeling that IT’S ALL DONE, when I have to grab something to cover myself, quickly take a shower and make some more clothes dirty?! Logic? -there isn’t any! Meanwhile: when I get back to throw the final load in the dryer, the hamper is FULL and overflowing again! How is this possible? -this is what I call “the laundry ambush”! I hate the laundry ambush!!!  Someone was half-listening when I asked if all the dirty laundry was in the laundry room, then when they can’t find a clean pair of underwear they finally bring me every article of clothing they own! GAH! As I said it is never done… back to our Sunday -sorry about the detour:

So we changed sheets yesterday, because it didn’t get done on Saturday and we did our chores, because they didn’t get done on Saturday either, and then we went “in to town” (that’s what us country folk say) to go shopping. Only because we HAD to: every morning before school (for a week) my son had been taping the sole back on to his favorite pair of shoes, we also had to buy a new color cartridge for the printer (which is half the price of a brand new printer! I am tempted to buy a new printer every other time I have to change the cartridge) so an English project could be printed. Let me say right here that I am not a fan of shopping in general. I like the “veni, vidi, vici” method, but that is not possible with a 13-year-old girl on the hunt for an 8th grade formal dress. Lucky for me, (heah in tha south) everything closes at 5 pm on Sundays, so our time was restricted by the Bible. I was never so grateful! We got our steaks, got home, ate, cleaned up and just lounged around… did I mention that I have a PETA card carrying 11-year-old? Yes I do, so we didn’t ALL eat red meat, with our baked potato and salad; one of us had a veggie burger. 🙂 (as if you care)

I wanted to mention here that I take my cell phone with me when I leave the house on these days. I do leave it in the car when I go into a store, but I check it when I get back in the car just in case of an emergency. The idea of Tech-Free Sunday was more a lesson for my children who were constantly connected with their friends and spending less and less time with family even when they were at home. They weren’t listening; an important part of having a conversation, which I found rude as well as frustrating. I wanted one day where it really was, family day and to remind the kids that there are other things to do besides texting. The importance of learning manners while being so overly-connected is a difficult concept to teach; ‘PUT THE PHONE DOWN, please step away from the phone’! I was constantly having to say, so I declared Tech-Free Sunday. One person mentioned not having a land-line and if that is the case and you want to try tech-free you can always change your recording on your cell to say something like; ‘ I am spending time with my family today and will be unavailable by cell phone, please text me in an emergency’, and then just check your phone every hour or so… Going tech-free for one day a week is not necessary for every family, but I thought it was for ours. There definitely has been a change for the better for us, and if you want to try it do what ever feels right for you and your family. I think going tech-free is just as challenging, if not more, for adults… I recommend everyone try it even if it’s only for a few hours, the world will not stop I promise!

And so….. another Tech-Free Sunday, where no one died for lack of gadget, therefore we will do it again, next week…. 🙂

If you’re gonna do Tech-Free Sunday -Do it your way!

While I was at my daughter’s soccer game a mom came up to me and told me that their family was going to try Tech-Free Sunday tomorrow too, and she asked if we watch TV and I said, no WE don’t, but it doesn’t mean you can’t. We do listen to radio, and while cooking we have listened to iPod’s thru an iHome; where each kid got to share their personal genre with the family, that way my “Hollywood Undead” lovin’ daughter didn’t kill my “Cat Stevens” lovin’ son and vice versa. My thought is no personal devices requiring ear buds taking you away from interacting with your family. I think if your family is going to try it, you should try it in a way that makes you comfortable.  The first time you try it you might feel miserably Amish, (I’m not worried about offending the Amish since they shouldn’t be reading this blog) but remember they don’t have electricity or running water and that should help keep things perspective. We still use our electricity and of course running water as well as motorized vehicles, and it still isn’t easy. Another mom told me their family might try it too and she asked if I give up alcohol on this day too… I laughed, and won’t tell you exactly what I said, but I will say that there is always wine served with dinner…(The day I had to listen to Hollywood Undead for a half hour  -ummmm, no I don’t give up alcohol on this day of all days.) I might be crazy, but I’m not THAT crazy! This mom said she wasn’t interested in doing all that cooking together stuff, which is absolutely fine. I just happen to have a son who loves to cook and I am learning to enjoy the company in the kitchen while I prepare dinner.  However, I must say that the first two times I had “help” in the kitchen I secretly wanted to pull my hair out because I had to think of things for them to do instead of just doing it myself like I usually do, which was just as hard for me as it was for them, but I have come to enjoy it and rely on their help. Remember before, everyone was off in their own worlds texting, or chatting, or what-evering and I was alone in the kitchen cooking, then I would call them for dinner, and it was like a bunch of strangers showed up at the table to scarf down their meals and hurry back off to their own worlds again.

Since I talked to two people about it today I thought I might do a quick “Saturday Evening Post” about it just in case your family is thinking of trying it. A fun way to start is by having everyone in the family make a list of 101 things  to do when your bored, and share it with each other, these lists can be pretty funny, but also something to refer to when you are feeling lost without your cell phone. If you are stuck indoors I suggest board games, cards, we played word games with the thesaurus, we tried a debate (EPIC FAIL), we talk a lot, we have given facials and even tried ear coning. When I was growing up, we did a lot of puppet shows, plays, we had marionettes and would do performances, we made up commercials… you are only as limited as your imagination, make it up as you go. As the weather has gotten a bit warmer the kids are spending more time outside, where they can hula hoop, ride bicycles, play wiffle ball, play tag, blow bubbles, go fishing, give the dog a bath, do a treasure hunt or whatever.  A lot of our day seems to be spent planning, shopping for and preparing for our family meal, which I do like to get everyone involved in. It gives the family a sense of community, it makes me feel more a part of that community rather than just the laborer, and I think the kids really like being in charge of a particular part of the meal for example, put one in charge of dessert and another in charge of the salad and give them a stack of cook books, they have to do that in the morning so that there is time to shop for ingredients. I understand why the whole cooking thing might sound like too much, but if you’re feeling brave think of it as putting a book (a cookbook) in their hands first thing in the morning, it uses math skills (because with a family our size we have to double or triple recipes),  attention to detail is required to read the recipes and follow directions and teaches life skills at the same time, but if you are going to try it, do what feels right for you and your family.

Side note: Today my youngest went to her friends house to play for the afternoon and I asked that she leave her cell phone and her iPod at home. I told her it was rude to text other friends while she was spending time with one friend, this is the first time I have done this, but I think it will be a another new standing rule. I told her that if she needed to call me that I know that their family has a home phone and they have cell phones and I have all those numbers, and guess what when I got there the two girls had been riding a tandem bicycle and were talking face to face, with nothing in their hands . My daughter’s face and hands and legs were dirty like an 11-year-old who spent all day outside should look, I am excited, a dirty kid means it was a good day in my book!

Thank you S. for having her and our next lesson will be making eye contact when thanking someone for having you, and sounding like you mean it!

Life happens too quickly sometimes.

This post is going to be kind of Random, but I had a friend pass away suddenly yesterday morning from a heart attack. He was in his late seventies, but the age of a person really doesn’t matter when you lose someone you love. His wife is devastated and keeps replaying her last evening with him by repeating what they talked about, what they did, how they had eaten dinner outside on their new “Tuscan picnic table”, and how she had made him sit with her on the hammock in their ‘secret’ garden. She said he didn’t really want to of course, but she made him. It made me giggle inside that “at their age” they still enjoyed moments like that up til the very last moment. He was very accommodating and he did whatever she asked, and sometimes she asked a lot; sometimes he would do it quietly and sometimes he would make his opinions known, but he knew that his words would fall on deaf ears and so he did as his bride asked. He was a wonderful man, he loved a cold beer and loved someone to share one with, he also love a good glass of scotch, and he loved to share that as well. If you went to their home you knew you would be there a while, because you couldn’t have just one glass of wine while you chatted, he made sure your glass was never empty. Even after you had said, “no thank you, I’ve had enough”. He would refill your glass and grin the most wonderful, toothy, devilish grin you’ve ever seen and say, “awwwww, just one more”. I’m sure there must have been someone somewhere along the way who was able to resist his charms, but I couldn’t. There really is no other way to describe him other than to say that he was a wonderful man. His wife would often complain about him and the way he did this or that, but he was a man of few words, however there was a sparkle in his eye; he loved his wife, although she will say he never told her so, but he worried about her non-stop and you could see in his eyes that he thought she was the most beautiful woman on Earth.

They have 3 daughters and 1 son, and if I tried I might be able to count how many grandchildren and I think 2 great-grandchildren, but they always had more than enough love to take in more. I remember the first day I met her; I was new to North Carolina, and a single mother with three young children stands out I guess, especially in a town as small as the one we live in. Since I really didn’t know many people I was surprised when someone knocked on my door, but when I answered the door there she was; like a tornado and a ray of sunshine all rolled into one! I told her I was painting my family room  and the house was a mess, but I invited her in anyway. I put down my paintbrush and she sat down and started chatting as if I had known her all my life. She invited my daughter to come play with her granddaughter, and from that point forward it was as if my children and I were part of their family. When I went to her home yesterday, after hearing the news, I got to see (as I had already known) that I was not the only one; there were so many people there for her, people that both of them had loved, and fed, and had sit at their bar or by their pool. What an amazing family they are; of that family he was the quieter member, but had no less impact on me, I loved him and I knew that he cared for me too. His wife will go on, but at the moment she doesn’t know how, and there is nothing that you can say to someone who has lost a love that will have any real meaning, they must grieve. Death is the final part of the cycle of life, which is so difficult for those left grieving to grasp. Most people hope to die of old age, while others don’t have that much time. Regardless of how little or how much time a person has on this planet a death always makes me question the meaning of life. The best that I have ever come up with is that life is short, sometimes too short, but it’s about the experiences you have and the people you share them with. I always say that after one generation a person’s existence really doesn’t matter anymore, but I guess the point is that it mattered at all.

Death often broadens my perspective, it makes me want to worry less and love more. It makes me want to hug my children and be there for the people I love when they need me, because life is not guaranteed. Sometimes we become so self-absorbed, and involved in our daily routines and problems, that we fail to see the greater picture, which is that this is the only chance we’re going to get, so might as well make it count. Don’t hold back a hug, don’t hold on to anger or money for that matter (you can’t take it with you). Live life generously in every sense of the word, be a ray of sunshine wrapped in a tornado, impact people, love people, care for them, cherish them with the full knowledge that tomorrow is not a given. Sit in the hammock, eat every meal like it’s your last and make it at a Tuscan picnic table if you can!  I have to go watch my daughter play soccer now, but please enjoy the time you have with the people you love. Cheers!

Welcome to THE LAND OF ENTITLEMENT, may I see your Passport please?

“You forgot to bring your passport with you today? Oh your dog ate your passport? You just didn’t feel like looking for it? Oh that’s okay, come on in, you deserve it, the rules don’t apply to YOU silly.”

I had a friend (and a mother of a teen) stop over last night and I asked her what she thought I should blog about and her response was, “entitlement.” This appears to be a much larger topic than I first anticipated so this may have to be the first in an ‘entitlement series’ of posts. So let us begin our journey to the Land of Entitlement. It appears that there are some young people (and some not so young, as this is not a new thing; apparently there is an entire generation called the ‘Me Generation’) who feel strongly that they deserve laptops, iPods, cell phones, Uggs and straight A’s without having to work for them. Why do they feel they way and how do they get there? Whose fault is it? Is that what you want to know? Well I have a few theories, but let’s start with the old fashioned definition of the word:

According to Merriam-Webster the definition of entitlement is:1 a : the state or condition of being entitled : right b : a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract 2: a government program providing benefits to members of a specified group; also : funds supporting or distributed by such a program 3: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges

I have heard myself say to my children, “having a cell phone is not a right, having an iPod is not a right, having a laptop is not a right, all of those things are luxuries and not necessity, therefore consider the use of those items a privilege, and when you do not follow the rules your privileges will be revoked as a consequence.” Remember me writing about the middle school art teacher blogging about the function of failure and it teaching far more than the success of an ‘A’? Have you noticed that school awards ceremonies now take days because everyone gets an award for something? Nobody wants to hurt anyone’s feelings; but an award is supposed to be just that – a symbol of excellence.

How about sports trophies? Are you a parent who believes that every child deserves one for participating in a recreational team sport or is the fact that you paid the registration fee, the kid got a jersey or uniform, he or she likely had fun and possibly learned something reward enough? Are you okay with watching your son or daughter see a peer from a rival team get the championship trophy while they clap and show good sportsmanship? Remember when a trophy used to mean something?  It meant for that one moment in time, you were the best. Don’t you think it loses its meaning, even just a little bit, when everyone gets one? What are we teaching our children? That everyone gets an award just for showing up?

I was talking to my kids about an article written by a Chinese mother about the differences between raising children in the Chinese culture vs the US culture. I asked my kids what they thought about Asian kids and they all said, “they’re really smart!” So I asked how do you think they got that way? They all thought it was genetics, but the real answer is they WORK really hard at it because it’s what is expected of them. In the Chinese culture (and most Asian cultures), honoring your family and your ancestors is of utmost importance, and if you are a slacker and don’t try to become a master of whatever you attempt then you dishonor your family, which is a huge ‘no-no’. Meanwhile back at the ranch, how are your  kids? Do you spend hours in the car driving them to every activity under the sun and providing them with love, support, and every and anything else their hearts desire and then give them a trophy at the end of the day? Do they honor you? Do they show you the gratitude and respect that you deserve? No? Why not? Do you demand it? Do you expect it? The Chinese mom admitted in her article that she has no problem calling her child every name in the book, even humiliating him publicly to get the desired result, which is ultimately respect and excellence all in the name of the child’s best interest.

Children (and some adults) must learn that if you want to be excellent you have to work hard to become that way. And in most cases, people who want to own something have to buy it, and in order to purchase it, they must use the local currency, and in order to have that guess what???? Give up? They have to work for it! NO WAY!!! Really? You mean it isn’t delivered on a silver platter by the butler? You mean if I spend all my money on gummy bears at the store yesterday and I want to buy three iTunes songs today I can’t have my mom write a note and make it so?

Follow the ‘yellow brick road’ to where again?

What do you do when you know you aren’t in ‘Kansas’ anymore and you have no idea how to get to ‘Oz’?

Today has been an interesting day; have you ever noticed how ‘polite’ people use the word ‘interesting’ to replace a more negatively sounding word?! My day started out by over-sleeping, I woke up exactly 1 hour too late…. damn time change! Yesterday we were fine, but not this morning…. so of course this puts everyone slightly on edge when your mother wakes you in that ‘OMG-we’ve-already-missed-the-bus-and-are-going-to-be-tardy tone’! Of course my son is ready in 5 minutes, I doubt he brushed his teeth, but he say’s, “I’ll be waiting in the car” -very efficient.  Meanwhile my youngest had 2 bowls of cereal in the amount of time it took my 13 year old daughter (who had to shower and put on make-up) to get ready in a hurry!

Are you still with me? Okay good, because my son was waiting in the car for 20 minutes and honking the horn the entire time, as if I had forgotten that we had someplace to be, meanwhile I made him (and his twin sister) an English Muffin with butter and strawberry jam, so they would have something in their stomach to start the day, because moms are just like that! So we get in the car and I hand the twins their muffins and my daughter says, “mom did you write that note to my English teacher”?

PLEASE NOTE: Last night this same daughter left a note on my laptop; the note was written to her English teacher, and it said something like: ‘Dear Mrs So’n So, Please excuse my daughter for submitting her online assignment 1 hour and 15 minutes late bla bla bla….’ Right beside the note was a blank piece of paper and a pen, with which I was expected to write this note to her teacher. Now I will say, that in the past I have written a note when I knew for a fact that my daughter had been working diligently on a project and something unfortunate happened, but that was not the case this time. This time, she spent her entire Saturday watching episode after episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” on Netflix, and on Sunday I put in plenty of personal time on the Atom model project, but I had not heard one single thing about this English assignment so I am assuming that she forgot about it. Now let’s return to this morning in the car on the way to school…

I respond to the question, “No M, I did not write a note to your teacher.” Indignantly, she spats that she will now be getting a lower grade because of me! To which I respond (calmly I might add), ‘how this is a lesson in organization, and time-management, and that if I had seen her working diligently on the project as her letter to her teacher indicated, then I might have written the letter, but this was not the case. If she knew that she had an English deadline and an Atom Project, then she should have worked on one on Saturday and one on Sunday. A deadline is a deadline, and she won’t be learning anything if I write a note to her teacher, because ultimately she is accountable. If she watched TV all day Saturday and knew about the assignment, then she is irresponsible (which I know is not the case, she is normally extremely conscientious), but if she forgot about the assignment, then she needs to use her agenda to become more organized and manage her time better’…. meanwhile I can feel (what I call) “death glare” penetrating the back of my skull, so I turn around and I say, “I’m sorry honey, but I wouldn’t be doing you any favors by writing the note, so please understand and to eat your muffin so you have something in your belly.”

“I hate English Muffins”, she spats.

“Oh since when? I think I saw you eat one covered in Hollandaise Sauce and Eggs Bene on Saturday”

“I hate them plain”, she says.

To which I reply (still calmly, I might add), “perfect honey, because this one has butter and strawberry jam on it, just take a bite please.”

So I happen to glance into the backseat, as she pinches a crumb off the edge of the muffin and angrily shoves it in her mouth…… skreeeeeeeeeeetch …… into the ‘suicide lane’ we come to a dead-stop… I am no longer calm, in case you were wondering. I say, “it will be a mistake for you to behave this way.” And suddenly out of no where, like a polite southern child she says, “Yes ma’am” and takes a bite, so I wait for traffic to pass and I pull back on to the road … Since I am all Yankee,  I set a very poor example of “polite southern ways”, but in a pinch a “yes ma’am” will come out of one of my children and will put them on the path to recovery instantaneously.  All three of my kids have had issues with homework in the past week, so as I continue to drive I drone on with my lecture about homework, which even I don’t remember because I am so tired of hearing myself talk… I pull into the school and try to salvage the morning, with ‘I love you(s)’ and ‘have a good day’ darlings….

So what I NEED TO KNOW IS: Since I can’t get back to ‘Kansas’ (the days before puberty) how do I find the ‘yellow brick road’ and stay on this path to ‘Oz’ (a time when we will be from the same planet again). You are probably wondering by now if I sprinkled LSD on my fiber bran cereal this morning, and the answer of course is no, but again I ask you; why kids don’t come with manuals? EVERYTHING ELSE DOES! To simplify this for you (for me, really) I will say that there are times, between the lessons of ‘Tech Free Sunday’ and using a late homework assignment as a lesson in personal accountability/responsibility, that I feel lost. Times when I imagine what Velma must feel like when she loses her glasses on ScoobyDoo, as I fumble around blindly trying to raise intelligent, productive human beings, by limiting their tech time and not writing notes to their teachers? I might be the cause of a new type of Bulimia: “Techno-Bulimia” for all I know, where my kids binge for 6 days of the week because I made them purge on Sunday, and then because I didn’t write this one note my daughter doesn’t get into Harvard and hates me for the rest of her life. Am I being overly dramatic  or is parenting really the most difficult thing I will ever do? This post feels like my lecture in the car this morning; I think I just rambled on for hours, about nothing, but who knows, maybe you got something out of it, let’s hope so! 🙂

“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!”

~ The Wicked Witch of the West

 

 

 

 

TFS #7:Today had one less hour so WHY did it seem like the longest day of my life?

Today was TFS #7; a beautiful sunny day!

Mom’s Activities:

• Go to Craft Store to Shop for Uranium Atom Project, a Model car, and a Manga Drawing Kit
• Go to Fresh Market to shop for Sunday Dinner Ingredients
• Go to World Market to shop for Sunday Dinner Ingredients
• Cook Sunday Dinner
• “Help” with design and production of one Uranium Atom Model.
• Edit English Paper
• Try to finish a cocktail before all the ice melted.
• Try to remember to be grateful! 🙂

Kid’s Activities:

• Lounge on Hammock
• Hula Hooping
• Log Rolling (seriously they tried to walk on a log in the back yard)
• Play Frisbee
• Play Wiffle Ball
• Write a list of 101 things to do when one is bored
• Play Board Games
• Draw Manga
• Go to Craft Store to Shop for Uranium Atom Project, a Model car, and a Manga Drawing Kit
• Go to Fresh Market to shop for Sunday Dinner Ingredients
• Go to World Market to shop for Sunday Dinner Ingredients
• Eat Sunday Dinner
• Design and produce one Uranium Atom Model.
• Write English Paper
• Catch up on Homework
• Help clean up after dinner

Tech Free Sunday # 7 Dinner Menu:

• Chicken Makani
• Dhal (Red Lentils)
• Basmati Rice
• Cucumber & Mint Raita
• Naan
• Puppodums
• Mango Chutney

I am exhausted! I’m not sure, but it might have to do with the fact that my 13 year old daughter’s ‘boyfriend’ called her and texted her about 6 times last night at 1:30 am (I texted back: “This is ‘M’s’ Mom, she is asleep. I’m glad to hear that you are the number one soccer player; we have tech rules at our house, please call our home phone # tomorrow between the hours of 10 am and 9 pm to find out what those rules are”.)  He texted back: ‘I’m very sorry’.  Ok so at least he was polite enough to apologize, but still…..  Grrrrrr. Helps to illustrate my point that parents need to unite and get a universal rule book for these gadgets so not one of them is able to text or call another at 1:30 am!

It seems that the kids are getting used to not having their constant connection, they seemed to entertain themselves fairly easily today and I honestly did not hear one single complain, except during the photo of them and their gadgets, one was not happy, but the others were fine.  It could have something to do with the weather change and Spring being in the air, but I do believe that they are enjoying the experience. This evening’s meal was not prepared by the family, which I did not enjoy as much, but they were outside playing and so it was a welcome exchange. On another very exciting note: there were no complaints about the meal, they all said that this was their favorite menu so far, with the exception of my youngest who is a vegetarian, she was not a fan of the Dhal (I think it was more the way it looked than how it tasted that bothered her). TFS#7 another success, no one died and so we will do it again next Sunday.

 

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ~ Dr Seuss