My face betrays me when it turns purple!

Have no fear reader dear, the war wages on.  The tech-NO battle is not won. This week on the reality show that is not aired on television (my life) we had a few tech (hell) -no moments. I took my daughters shopping on Saturday. “Number 14.5” is barely speaking to me these days unless she wants a ride somewhere or needs some money for something. She needed new undergarments (she takes after her mother) and needed to go up a cup size, but she wasn’t speaking to me or making eye contact. Which really annoys me and I try hard not to show it, but I think my face betrays me when it turns purple, those veins start bulging in my neck and forehead, and I start frothing at the mouth.  This happened only after she sat in the back row of the suburban with only 3 of us in the vehicle and I tried to talk to her with her iPod on and earbuds in for a half an hour. When someone refuses to make eye contact it’s really difficult to get their attention through the rear view mirror. She did not want to hear me or see me and it was making me crazy, but I bit my tongue until I checked on her in the dressing room and she instantly turned mopey. I ask her how things fit and discovered that she is trying on “push-up” bras, now that would be fine if she were a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, but we are here to move up into the ‘C cup’ range and I’m thinking, ‘uh, no way are you pushing them up any higher!’ So I tell her (in my most compassionate maternal tone), then I bring her some normal support wear, suddenly she is done shopping she doesn’t want to try on another thing. I have ruined it for her, and as we walk out of the dressing room she is texting someone. I imagine that I am being maligned via text to everyone and anyone who cares for wanting her to look less like a stripper and more like a virginal ninth grader. So I say, ‘give me that damn phone!’

I just wanted to delude myself into believing that my daughters and I could enjoy some time together, but I realized that we are never alone if they have their iPods or phones with them. Now because I have taken one phone I must take two. This is one of these moments when you hate parenting because you know that you are now about to suffer more than they are. I took the phone from daughter “Number 12.5” (almost a teen) and then my head begins to throb and my right ear starts bleeding because she’s sitting in the passenger’s seat and won’t shut-up now that I have her phone. Done shopping and back in the car I still try to maintain the ruse and I ask them if they want to go out for lunch.  Number 14.5 is ‘NOT hungry and doesn’t care,’ and Number 12.5 just wants her phone back…. Is it too early to start drinking that’s all I can think about is calming my nerves with alcohol. I shouldn’t admit that; I should say I thought of meditation or yoga to calm myself, but that would be a lie and not funny in a sad way at all!

I love, love, love my children more than life itself… (that saying makes me wonder, but I’ll save it for another time).

UGH! Teach respect and limits by taking away their boots?

Does anyone else think the following is absurd?

Pennsylvania school district bans fur-lined boots

Published January 27, 2012

| Associated Press

POTTSTOWN, Pa. –  A suburban Philadelphia middle school’s ban on a popular type of fur-lined boots isn’t about fashion, it’s about cellphones.

Pottstown Middle School parents were informed of the new ban on the unlaced boots on Wednesday.

District community relations director John Armato tells the Pottstown Mercury students are using the boots to hide cellphones and bring them into class. Current school policy allows students to bring their phones to school but requires them to be kept in their locker during the day.

Armato says the ban targets the unlaced boots with fur or faux fur lining made by footwear companies including Ugg. It goes into effect Monday.

Principal Gail Cooper says students can still wear the boots to school, but must remove them before going to class.

I speak out about very few things, but I believe that governing what a person may or may not wear, really does border on infringing their  freedom of expression. I make allowances for limiting potentially offensive or provocative clothing probably because it has been a rule since I was in high school, which is why perhaps I swallow that pill a bit easier, but I still struggle with myself for being so malleable. 

I get very annoyed when I hear people in my community mention Obama being a communist or socialist, and then they hand me a flyer to promote a school uniform in a public school and I WANT TO SCREAM, “you can’t get anymore socialist than a uniform in a public school (a public school being a socialist concept and the uniform eliminating any sign of social elitism)!!!”

So what is it that we are trying to teach our kids? What is the lesson here? That it is rude and disrespectful to text while in class not to mention distracting?  Instead of teaching them respect or temperance we take away their right to wear their warm shoes to school? I want so badly to put my most sarcastic foot in my mouth and to blame Newt Gingrich for this, but I will NOT digress that far, this time.

I will tell you that I owned a t-shirt in high school that said, ‘life is a bed of roses, but watch out for the pricks’ which I was not allowed to wear, and I understood that if one didn’t have a proper sense of humor it might be deemed as offensive, as were the ‘grab a Heini’ t-shirts of my day, nor would I have tried to take a cell phone to class if it were against the rules because I have an internal moral barometer that tells me which limits to push and which rules to follow. Thankfully no one had to take my shoes away to teach me that.

I bumble for ya, I bumble for ya, I bumble for YOU-EW!

Yes, I blog and I am a mom. I am a mom who blogs about being a mom and the unexpected twists that technology sometimes brings to the experience. I am certainly not a savant, nor would I consider myself technologically inclined by any means so please forgive me if I use the wrong terminology here. I started this blog, the tech free teen as I noticed my teens losing touch with the reality that I have come to know through my life experience. Perhaps it was really the fact that I felt excluded from their private worlds and I know that part of it was fear of my 12-year-old being exposed to more than I wanted for her, but she is a very intelligent child and has an affinity for computers who in the past year has matured some and I have grown to trust her reasoning abilities more. Unlike my other two children she has always obsessed about someone or something. I remember her being hysterical at age four because a friend refused to say he would marry her. He refused because he was planning on marrying his mother. Then she had hard crushes beginning in first grade, she would torture her chosen boy by adoring him resolutely. Then she moved on to infatuation with The Naked Brothers Band, then The Jonas Brothers, she went through a brief Michael Jackson phase where she would scream at the dinner table if anyone mocked  ‘MJ’ with a Weird Al lyric. Moving on she tried Hollywood Undead then back to Justin Bieber.  Now it is JC Caylen and Mau (pronounced MOW) she is following the cutest ‘YouTubers’ with a keen eye.

Here’s where I will show my ignorance: She now spends hours creating what I call animated vignettes (they are probably called something else in her world) for her Tumblr Blog which is mostly about the re-blogging of her favorite ‘YouTubers’, if you have no idea what I’m talking about give me a high-five because I am WAY out of my element here. Yesterday I was unloading the dishwasher and I said, “what are you tumbling about today honey?” To which she replied with great disdain, “MOM! It’s called blogging, I HATE it when people call it Tumbling!” Oh my, I thought, I had struck another of her nerves and how stupid can one mother be? Really frick’n stupid if you ask her. I begged forgiveness and corrected myself. Here’s the thing – I am wholly impressed by these little creations of hers which have been re-blogged many times by other tumblr people (Afraid to call them tumblrs… btway off topic: I can’t not sing Culture Club’s “I tumble for you” when I say tumblr, in fact it’s playing inside my head as I type) and she is in contact with the ‘YouTubers’ who are also impressed. If you aren’t impressed you should google the incomes for these ‘little YouTubers’ -yes in the six figures, I’m considering getting a Bieber haircut and becoming one myself! What frightens the mother in me is that many of them are video taping themselves while they drive and let’s face it they don’t look old enough to drive -let alone with only one hand on the wheel. I digress -constantly!

Maybe I should start my own blogging site for idiot parents and call it blabbering or bumbling… Hey I already trademarked those ideas so don’t even think about it! My point? Oh yes, oh no, I don’t think I had one I just wanted to brag about my little genius, JK really! I’m too tired to learn to tumble, I’ve already learned tweeting and blogging and texting -I think I’m good, but I am impressed (I just wanted to say it again, I haven’t forgotten I already said it up there) with my youngest child’s creative talents and although I do like to get face to face with them (my children) occasionally I am not completely techNO, in fact I have great friends that I have met on the internet, some I have met in person and some I haven’t -shhh don’t tell my kids. Anyway I just thought that I’d state the obvious today and tell you that there is quite a bit of good out there which is why I am considering changing the name of my blog. All good idea’s welcome!

Playing Possum

YOU CAN’T FOOL ME!

It’s been about two weeks since my high schoolers had a full day of school. Apparently in the current educational climate if a high school student has been in attendance most of the time, and has a score above a certain percentage then they are exempt from taking their final exam. Unless they attend school the day the exam is given, then they must take the exam with the rest of the kids, needless to say mine were home for a really long time and ate a lot, I digress. Of course last week being the end of the grading period the kids had off Monday and Tuesday of this week so that the teachers could do grades? Or attend a workshop? -I’m not sure. Regardless, today was the first day this week that all three of my children would be back on their school schedule and being that I am runner-up for mother of the year (a joke of course) I wanted them all in bed last night (with lights out) by ten pm. This may sound silly, but they seem to gravitate toward being wholly nocturnal when they are not on a school schedule, which I try not to take personally, and so it is necessary for me to bring them back to the daylight with incremental modification of their sleep habits.

I noticed something odd at about 10:20 pm; the house was silent. So I got up to say ‘good night’ to my children since they seemed to be sneaking to bed. I opened the door to my daughters’ room which was dark except for the glow of my eldest female offspring’s iPod. She would have known I was coming if she didn’t have her headphones on and wasn’t watching past episodes of Desperate Housewives on Netflix. So I smiled and held out my hand, she took off the headphones and handed me the iPod, then I said, “cell phone please.” Which she produced from under her covers, but before placing it my hand she had to send a final text to whomever she was communicating with. Meanwhile about 2 feet from where I stood is my youngest , a sweet child in middle school who appears to be pretending to be asleep already -only because she wasn’t wearing headphones and therefore heard my approach. I turn to her and say, “where is your iPod and cell phone My Love (sometimes I call her that)?” She responds almost too quickly, I really thought she might try to play the-pretend-sleeper a bit longer, but no, she tells me her things are on the floor next to her bed. So she snatches them up post-haste to hand them to me, but first she must shoot off one final text to whomever she was kvetching (I assume) with, at, to… I smile at our playful routine. They know that I have a rule ‘no more iPods or cell phones after 10 pm’ and if we had been on our normal school schedule they might turn them in or I might have to collect them, it depends on whether or not they think I might coming down with an early case of dementia. (I think again, -I’m just guessing at their motivation really)

I go to my son’s room next. He is entirely motionless and it’s completely dark in his room. Could it be that he is sleeping? I walk to his bedside to find out; I have to get very close in the dark to see, so I lean down and discover that he too is wearing headphones. I give him the benefit of the doubt and think perhaps he was listening to music and fell asleep. So I attempt to find the place where the headphones are connected to his iPod. I feel the thin strand of rubber coated wire, but cant seem to find the source. I’m groping in the dark quite a while when I think I notice a slight quaking, but I persevere in the name of a quality night’s sleep and then I feel it again -the quaking and I realize he is giggling. I too start to giggle and say, “give it to me you little devil.” Low and behold what does he produce from a place between his chest and his pillow? His iPod playing a movie on Netflix. I ask for his phone and he hands it to me. I tell him good night and I wander back to my bedroom with a large enough handful of technological booty to disturb the sleep of three very intelligent young people. I smile at my contraband and then I hear my daughters talking. Yes they do that if they aren’t wearing headphones and texting their friends at 10:20 pm on  school night.

The takeaway: I love being a parent and sometimes that means making the unpopular decisions for the health of my children. The funny thing is they expect that from me. It doesn’t mean they won’t try to ‘get away with murder’ if I let them, but they aren’t arguing either.

What? Teen drama? I hadn’t noticed any drama.

Have you seen the ABC Family program The Secret Life of the American Teenager? Well, my soon to be 14-year-old daughter and I are watching the series on Netflix and are somewhere around episode 30. Yesterday we counted them using the word sex a little over 40 times in one episode, even the minister said sex. Which takes the subliminal right out of the message doncha think? They never use slang terminology which I find annoying, but I’m clearly not in charge here. This show has Asian kids, African-American kids, Downs kids, pregnant kids, promiscuous and sexually active kids, sexually abused kids, Christian kids and after our latest episode, gay kids. It has divorcing parents, pregnant parents, lying parents, dying parents, foster parents and gay parents, but unlike Glee it has no homeless families. Maybe that will happen in a later episode; if not shame on you ABC Family for forgetting someone. They are reaching out to every demographic in one show. It’s a little like a train wreck although it makes me feel good about myself and my kids, while a train wreck doesn’t make me feel good about anything.

We have a screwy family, but not television screwy. One of the lines in a recent episode was, “she’s pregnant and her parents are getting divorced, what else could go wrong?” To which I replied,  “a brain tumor?” My kids laughed. Why are we watching it? Because my rising 9th grader was told by her friends that this was a show to watch. The messages are clear, the cast speaks to the audience after each segment telling both teen and parent to discuss sex, get help for sexual abuse or whatever the issue du jour. I find it tedious, but I am happy to see that my daughter also sees the overtly dramatic, as well as the humor in all the drama, and watching it together has been a wonderful experience. I wouldn’t recommend having your young teen watch it without you as it could be interpreted as a ‘how to’ have issues or get issues for a small town, sheltered kid such as mine. There is something for everyone in this show. (except the homeless) It’s not reality TV or a soap opera per se, but it is ridiculously addictive in a pseudo educational kind of way. And if you’re wondering what Molly Ringwald looks like all grown up; she’s still a redhead with a crooked smile and an odd fashion sense…. see there really is something for everyone in this show!