TFS# 9; Tech Free Teens take to the road.

We got the call Friday afternoon. Seeing my uncle’s number appear on my cell phone immediately brought a sense of dread. I looked at the name and the number on my cell phone and was tempted not to answer. My grandmother was placed in hospice care about 3 weeks ago and so I thought I might rather hear the news my uncle was calling to deliver via the voice mail, but I tentatively answered the phone anyway. “Hello”? My uncle asked if I was sleeping. I said, “No I just saw your name and number and I am prepared for the worst, what is it”? He told me that she was bad, and getting worse and didn’t have much time left. So if there can be anything fortunate about the death of a loved one, my kids being on Spring Break this week made traveling North immediately not only possible, but not the least bit inconvenient. I waited for the kids to get home from school on Friday, we packed the ‘big rig’ (my moose killing Suburban) and left NC at almost 10 pm. I prefer to take this nine hour drive at night when there is less traffic and the kids are more likely to sleep in the car rather than purposefully annoy each other the entire ride.

They packed their pillows and a blanket, wearing comfy clothes and got all their gadgets charged up for the ride. At midnight I said that all devices needed to be turned off and it was time to sleep. My youngest of course fought this tooth and nail, meanwhile waking anyone who had been sleeping in the process. We arrived at Grammy’s at 7 am Saturday morning, I took a nap and then we all went to see my grandmother. When we got back I had to lay down for a few minutes and when I got up  all 5 kids AND my mother were on their own tech devices, either a laptop, a cell phone or an iPod. I marveled at the sight. -Visiting Grandma and face-timing each other wile sitting beside each other on the sofa. If there had been any doubt as to whether or not we would be going tech-free on Sunday, the answer was clear: ABSOLUTELY! My youngest sister brought two of her kids of to spend the night with their cousins and her significant other walked into the room and said, “wow, everyone has their own gadget going on and is in their own world”. Yes! Uncle W, thank you for your astute observation…. There is no bedtime at Grammy’s house, and so at midnight I asked one of the boys to go around to all the other kids and collect the gadgets in a cat food box my mother had been getting ready to recycle.

My mother took 7 children to church Sunday morning, so while the house was empty, and before I went to spend time with my grandmother I had to hide 5 laptops, 5 cellphones, 5 iPod’s and one PSP. Before we left the oldest asked if Grammy had ‘veto power’ on the Tech-Free Sunday concept and I said, “NO”! -knowing full well that of course she did, she could feed them pure sugar cane all day long if she wanted to, but instead my mother and all the kids went for a hike after church, and spent the rest of the day playing outside on a five story playground they call ‘the castle’. I was sure it was going to be difficult for my mother who proudly proclaims to anyone who will listen, that she is a ‘web master’. When I had gotten up from my rest on Saturday evening and she and my daughter were ‘face timing’ on their iPod Touches, while sitting next to each other on the sofa I thought we would meet some resistance, there really wasn’t any. When I got home Sunday night from my grandmother’s house they were playing the boys against the girls in a game of “Catch Phrase” and proudly announced that they had found all the laptops. My mother defiantly told me she knew where the cell phones were as if I had been hiding them from her too. I wondered how long they searched before they found everything. They told me they had baked ziti for dinner and made brownies for desert and oddly to me it appeared that they embraced Tech-Free Sunday and I think were proud of themselves for it. They had a great day and didn’t complain about not having access to their worlds.

Another successful TFS, I think, even though I wasn’t there to monitor; but no one died and so we will do it again next Sunday.

Tech-Free Sunday # 8; I think we might be getting the hang of this!!!

I have found that we really are adjusting to our Tech-Free Sunday. The kids no longer complain, they know what to expect, that is not to say that I don’t catch them trying to cheat, but in my opinion our little social experiment has made each of us more aware of how much time we spend interacting online or via text etc, and in certain children I have noticed an improved attitude while tech-free, and in other children I have noticed less time spent during the rest of the week, and then there is the sneak factor as there is with anything forbidden….. (more on that later) We had a very busy day… my son decided that we should have steak on the grill for dinner, which was nice and easy, so that made getting our rooms clean, all the laundry done possible (sort of) I AM SO GONNA VEER OFF HERE:

For as long as I have been a parent (13 years) I have been trying to get all the laundry done; it’s is IMPOSSIBLE! Have you ever noticed that?  I mean, I will even take off what I am wearing and do one final load after I have asked everyone if they have any dirty laundry just so the hamper will be empty. I have this weird obsession with the completion of this task – I know it’s futile, but I think I have some kind of OCD issue with it, which is ridiculous I KNOW…which leaves me standing naked in front of the washing machine with that happy feeling that IT’S ALL DONE, when I have to grab something to cover myself, quickly take a shower and make some more clothes dirty?! Logic? -there isn’t any! Meanwhile: when I get back to throw the final load in the dryer, the hamper is FULL and overflowing again! How is this possible? -this is what I call “the laundry ambush”! I hate the laundry ambush!!!  Someone was half-listening when I asked if all the dirty laundry was in the laundry room, then when they can’t find a clean pair of underwear they finally bring me every article of clothing they own! GAH! As I said it is never done… back to our Sunday -sorry about the detour:

So we changed sheets yesterday, because it didn’t get done on Saturday and we did our chores, because they didn’t get done on Saturday either, and then we went “in to town” (that’s what us country folk say) to go shopping. Only because we HAD to: every morning before school (for a week) my son had been taping the sole back on to his favorite pair of shoes, we also had to buy a new color cartridge for the printer (which is half the price of a brand new printer! I am tempted to buy a new printer every other time I have to change the cartridge) so an English project could be printed. Let me say right here that I am not a fan of shopping in general. I like the “veni, vidi, vici” method, but that is not possible with a 13-year-old girl on the hunt for an 8th grade formal dress. Lucky for me, (heah in tha south) everything closes at 5 pm on Sundays, so our time was restricted by the Bible. I was never so grateful! We got our steaks, got home, ate, cleaned up and just lounged around… did I mention that I have a PETA card carrying 11-year-old? Yes I do, so we didn’t ALL eat red meat, with our baked potato and salad; one of us had a veggie burger. 🙂 (as if you care)

I wanted to mention here that I take my cell phone with me when I leave the house on these days. I do leave it in the car when I go into a store, but I check it when I get back in the car just in case of an emergency. The idea of Tech-Free Sunday was more a lesson for my children who were constantly connected with their friends and spending less and less time with family even when they were at home. They weren’t listening; an important part of having a conversation, which I found rude as well as frustrating. I wanted one day where it really was, family day and to remind the kids that there are other things to do besides texting. The importance of learning manners while being so overly-connected is a difficult concept to teach; ‘PUT THE PHONE DOWN, please step away from the phone’! I was constantly having to say, so I declared Tech-Free Sunday. One person mentioned not having a land-line and if that is the case and you want to try tech-free you can always change your recording on your cell to say something like; ‘ I am spending time with my family today and will be unavailable by cell phone, please text me in an emergency’, and then just check your phone every hour or so… Going tech-free for one day a week is not necessary for every family, but I thought it was for ours. There definitely has been a change for the better for us, and if you want to try it do what ever feels right for you and your family. I think going tech-free is just as challenging, if not more, for adults… I recommend everyone try it even if it’s only for a few hours, the world will not stop I promise!

And so….. another Tech-Free Sunday, where no one died for lack of gadget, therefore we will do it again, next week…. 🙂

If you’re gonna do Tech-Free Sunday -Do it your way!

While I was at my daughter’s soccer game a mom came up to me and told me that their family was going to try Tech-Free Sunday tomorrow too, and she asked if we watch TV and I said, no WE don’t, but it doesn’t mean you can’t. We do listen to radio, and while cooking we have listened to iPod’s thru an iHome; where each kid got to share their personal genre with the family, that way my “Hollywood Undead” lovin’ daughter didn’t kill my “Cat Stevens” lovin’ son and vice versa. My thought is no personal devices requiring ear buds taking you away from interacting with your family. I think if your family is going to try it, you should try it in a way that makes you comfortable.  The first time you try it you might feel miserably Amish, (I’m not worried about offending the Amish since they shouldn’t be reading this blog) but remember they don’t have electricity or running water and that should help keep things perspective. We still use our electricity and of course running water as well as motorized vehicles, and it still isn’t easy. Another mom told me their family might try it too and she asked if I give up alcohol on this day too… I laughed, and won’t tell you exactly what I said, but I will say that there is always wine served with dinner…(The day I had to listen to Hollywood Undead for a half hour  -ummmm, no I don’t give up alcohol on this day of all days.) I might be crazy, but I’m not THAT crazy! This mom said she wasn’t interested in doing all that cooking together stuff, which is absolutely fine. I just happen to have a son who loves to cook and I am learning to enjoy the company in the kitchen while I prepare dinner.  However, I must say that the first two times I had “help” in the kitchen I secretly wanted to pull my hair out because I had to think of things for them to do instead of just doing it myself like I usually do, which was just as hard for me as it was for them, but I have come to enjoy it and rely on their help. Remember before, everyone was off in their own worlds texting, or chatting, or what-evering and I was alone in the kitchen cooking, then I would call them for dinner, and it was like a bunch of strangers showed up at the table to scarf down their meals and hurry back off to their own worlds again.

Since I talked to two people about it today I thought I might do a quick “Saturday Evening Post” about it just in case your family is thinking of trying it. A fun way to start is by having everyone in the family make a list of 101 things  to do when your bored, and share it with each other, these lists can be pretty funny, but also something to refer to when you are feeling lost without your cell phone. If you are stuck indoors I suggest board games, cards, we played word games with the thesaurus, we tried a debate (EPIC FAIL), we talk a lot, we have given facials and even tried ear coning. When I was growing up, we did a lot of puppet shows, plays, we had marionettes and would do performances, we made up commercials… you are only as limited as your imagination, make it up as you go. As the weather has gotten a bit warmer the kids are spending more time outside, where they can hula hoop, ride bicycles, play wiffle ball, play tag, blow bubbles, go fishing, give the dog a bath, do a treasure hunt or whatever.  A lot of our day seems to be spent planning, shopping for and preparing for our family meal, which I do like to get everyone involved in. It gives the family a sense of community, it makes me feel more a part of that community rather than just the laborer, and I think the kids really like being in charge of a particular part of the meal for example, put one in charge of dessert and another in charge of the salad and give them a stack of cook books, they have to do that in the morning so that there is time to shop for ingredients. I understand why the whole cooking thing might sound like too much, but if you’re feeling brave think of it as putting a book (a cookbook) in their hands first thing in the morning, it uses math skills (because with a family our size we have to double or triple recipes),  attention to detail is required to read the recipes and follow directions and teaches life skills at the same time, but if you are going to try it, do what feels right for you and your family.

Side note: Today my youngest went to her friends house to play for the afternoon and I asked that she leave her cell phone and her iPod at home. I told her it was rude to text other friends while she was spending time with one friend, this is the first time I have done this, but I think it will be a another new standing rule. I told her that if she needed to call me that I know that their family has a home phone and they have cell phones and I have all those numbers, and guess what when I got there the two girls had been riding a tandem bicycle and were talking face to face, with nothing in their hands . My daughter’s face and hands and legs were dirty like an 11-year-old who spent all day outside should look, I am excited, a dirty kid means it was a good day in my book!

Thank you S. for having her and our next lesson will be making eye contact when thanking someone for having you, and sounding like you mean it!

Welcome to THE LAND OF ENTITLEMENT, may I see your Passport please?

“You forgot to bring your passport with you today? Oh your dog ate your passport? You just didn’t feel like looking for it? Oh that’s okay, come on in, you deserve it, the rules don’t apply to YOU silly.”

I had a friend (and a mother of a teen) stop over last night and I asked her what she thought I should blog about and her response was, “entitlement.” This appears to be a much larger topic than I first anticipated so this may have to be the first in an ‘entitlement series’ of posts. So let us begin our journey to the Land of Entitlement. It appears that there are some young people (and some not so young, as this is not a new thing; apparently there is an entire generation called the ‘Me Generation’) who feel strongly that they deserve laptops, iPods, cell phones, Uggs and straight A’s without having to work for them. Why do they feel they way and how do they get there? Whose fault is it? Is that what you want to know? Well I have a few theories, but let’s start with the old fashioned definition of the word:

According to Merriam-Webster the definition of entitlement is:1 a : the state or condition of being entitled : right b : a right to benefits specified especially by law or contract 2: a government program providing benefits to members of a specified group; also : funds supporting or distributed by such a program 3: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges

I have heard myself say to my children, “having a cell phone is not a right, having an iPod is not a right, having a laptop is not a right, all of those things are luxuries and not necessity, therefore consider the use of those items a privilege, and when you do not follow the rules your privileges will be revoked as a consequence.” Remember me writing about the middle school art teacher blogging about the function of failure and it teaching far more than the success of an ‘A’? Have you noticed that school awards ceremonies now take days because everyone gets an award for something? Nobody wants to hurt anyone’s feelings; but an award is supposed to be just that – a symbol of excellence.

How about sports trophies? Are you a parent who believes that every child deserves one for participating in a recreational team sport or is the fact that you paid the registration fee, the kid got a jersey or uniform, he or she likely had fun and possibly learned something reward enough? Are you okay with watching your son or daughter see a peer from a rival team get the championship trophy while they clap and show good sportsmanship? Remember when a trophy used to mean something?  It meant for that one moment in time, you were the best. Don’t you think it loses its meaning, even just a little bit, when everyone gets one? What are we teaching our children? That everyone gets an award just for showing up?

I was talking to my kids about an article written by a Chinese mother about the differences between raising children in the Chinese culture vs the US culture. I asked my kids what they thought about Asian kids and they all said, “they’re really smart!” So I asked how do you think they got that way? They all thought it was genetics, but the real answer is they WORK really hard at it because it’s what is expected of them. In the Chinese culture (and most Asian cultures), honoring your family and your ancestors is of utmost importance, and if you are a slacker and don’t try to become a master of whatever you attempt then you dishonor your family, which is a huge ‘no-no’. Meanwhile back at the ranch, how are your  kids? Do you spend hours in the car driving them to every activity under the sun and providing them with love, support, and every and anything else their hearts desire and then give them a trophy at the end of the day? Do they honor you? Do they show you the gratitude and respect that you deserve? No? Why not? Do you demand it? Do you expect it? The Chinese mom admitted in her article that she has no problem calling her child every name in the book, even humiliating him publicly to get the desired result, which is ultimately respect and excellence all in the name of the child’s best interest.

Children (and some adults) must learn that if you want to be excellent you have to work hard to become that way. And in most cases, people who want to own something have to buy it, and in order to purchase it, they must use the local currency, and in order to have that guess what???? Give up? They have to work for it! NO WAY!!! Really? You mean it isn’t delivered on a silver platter by the butler? You mean if I spend all my money on gummy bears at the store yesterday and I want to buy three iTunes songs today I can’t have my mom write a note and make it so?

Has YOUR child lied about their age to join a social networking site?

Were you aware that they lied? Did you help them set up the account? If so I recommend you read the article below and reconsider your decision.

 

Facebook Users Who Are Under Age Raise Concerns

 

When I read the article linked above I was startled by what I learned, which was quite a bit. According to this article, “Internet companies have set up the rules against under-age users because they must comply with the federal Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act, passed in 1998, which says Web sites that collect information from children younger than 13 must obtain parental consent.” I was also alarmed by the problems for the underage boy who was ‘friended’ by a poser classmate and had his photos linked to sexually explicit websites, but not until his name started showing up in Google searches did anyone notice. I don’t know about you, but this scares the bejesus out of me! Two out of my three children have Facebook accounts, but I made them wait until they were 13, which in my opinion is still a little young to be exposed to some of the content even on their own parent’s pages; for example photographs from the old fraternity days, do you really think it is okay for your child to see you stoned out of your gourd or drunk off your a$$? What messages are the youngest users getting from their parents, cousins, other family members or contacts who are shown in countless photographs of underage drinking?

Another problem is that today’s parents have a lot on their plates and it is very difficult to monitor all of the online access that our children have. I allowed my twins to sign up for Facebook accounts when they turned 13, but most of their friends already had accounts (my kids are the youngest in their class, but still there are teacher’s children who have been on Facebook for years, whom I happen to know were not 13 when they opened their accounts). I mentioned in a few earlier posts about banning my 11 year-old daughter from Sketchfu, which sounds like it should be relatively harmless site, but as I mentioned there was a chat feature, and she had people on her friends list that she did not know. Initially she was banned for her own inappropriate use of foul language, but it wasn’t until I did a little research that I found out that even Sketchfu has an age limit of 13. So when I confronted my  11 year-old about this, and asked her how old she said she was on her account, she told me that she lied and said she was 14.   I was disturbed by her having access to and/or being in an online environment posing as a 14 year old. I wish I could find some medical or scientific statistics on the extremes between the maturity levels of an 11 year-old and a 14 year-old, but since I have an 11 year-old and a 13 year-old I can tell you that at times it seems as though they are 10 years apart.

Once I found out there was an age limit for that site I told her that just as she does not have a Facebook account, she is not allowed to have a Sketchfu account until she is 13, but I know for a fact that she has been back to the Sketchfu site since I banned her, I just haven’t caught her. It is horrifying that it is so difficult to be vigilant when a child’s ease of access to these sites can even be had from their iPod Touch. Out of fear for my daughter, I want to post a warning statement on these websites that say, ‘please beware that there may be under age users on this site who have lied about their age, so keep your content on a 6th grade level’, but that interferes with an adult’s First Amendment rights, while trying to protect my child.

What is the answer? How many people use the parental controls on their computers? I have to tell you that on my last laptop I tried to activate them just under my kids log-in ID and I couldn’t even check my email when I logged in as me (and I am the administrator), it was a nightmare, so I finally had to turn it off. I am no computer genius obviously, but there are parents out there who know far less than I do that have no idea what there kids are up to, and if they did they would have no way of knowing how to manage it, because I too am at a loss. I have asked many parents and kids what the tech-rules are in their homes just to get an idea of what others are doing to battle this epidemic. I have borrowed some other parent’s rules and made them my own, but how do we protect children whose parent’s don’t even know they need to be protected? I guess we start with trying to manage it in our own homes and hope that blogs like this one and articles like the one linked to the New York Times above will help make people more aware.

TFS #7:Today had one less hour so WHY did it seem like the longest day of my life?

Today was TFS #7; a beautiful sunny day!

Mom’s Activities:

• Go to Craft Store to Shop for Uranium Atom Project, a Model car, and a Manga Drawing Kit
• Go to Fresh Market to shop for Sunday Dinner Ingredients
• Go to World Market to shop for Sunday Dinner Ingredients
• Cook Sunday Dinner
• “Help” with design and production of one Uranium Atom Model.
• Edit English Paper
• Try to finish a cocktail before all the ice melted.
• Try to remember to be grateful! 🙂

Kid’s Activities:

• Lounge on Hammock
• Hula Hooping
• Log Rolling (seriously they tried to walk on a log in the back yard)
• Play Frisbee
• Play Wiffle Ball
• Write a list of 101 things to do when one is bored
• Play Board Games
• Draw Manga
• Go to Craft Store to Shop for Uranium Atom Project, a Model car, and a Manga Drawing Kit
• Go to Fresh Market to shop for Sunday Dinner Ingredients
• Go to World Market to shop for Sunday Dinner Ingredients
• Eat Sunday Dinner
• Design and produce one Uranium Atom Model.
• Write English Paper
• Catch up on Homework
• Help clean up after dinner

Tech Free Sunday # 7 Dinner Menu:

• Chicken Makani
• Dhal (Red Lentils)
• Basmati Rice
• Cucumber & Mint Raita
• Naan
• Puppodums
• Mango Chutney

I am exhausted! I’m not sure, but it might have to do with the fact that my 13 year old daughter’s ‘boyfriend’ called her and texted her about 6 times last night at 1:30 am (I texted back: “This is ‘M’s’ Mom, she is asleep. I’m glad to hear that you are the number one soccer player; we have tech rules at our house, please call our home phone # tomorrow between the hours of 10 am and 9 pm to find out what those rules are”.)  He texted back: ‘I’m very sorry’.  Ok so at least he was polite enough to apologize, but still…..  Grrrrrr. Helps to illustrate my point that parents need to unite and get a universal rule book for these gadgets so not one of them is able to text or call another at 1:30 am!

It seems that the kids are getting used to not having their constant connection, they seemed to entertain themselves fairly easily today and I honestly did not hear one single complain, except during the photo of them and their gadgets, one was not happy, but the others were fine.  It could have something to do with the weather change and Spring being in the air, but I do believe that they are enjoying the experience. This evening’s meal was not prepared by the family, which I did not enjoy as much, but they were outside playing and so it was a welcome exchange. On another very exciting note: there were no complaints about the meal, they all said that this was their favorite menu so far, with the exception of my youngest who is a vegetarian, she was not a fan of the Dhal (I think it was more the way it looked than how it tasted that bothered her). TFS#7 another success, no one died and so we will do it again next Sunday.

 

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ~ Dr Seuss

Not everything electronic is bad for you!

I’d like to expound a bit on my previous post which was really just a slightly edited version of my comment on Pogue’s Post regarding his 6 year olds addiction to the iPad, and the highly ambiguous question of the impact of electronic/tech devices in our lives and the lives of our children.

“Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it”

~Albert Einstein

I definitely beleive that there are great digital, electronic and tech-devices on the market today that teach children and adults amazing things in formats that are often innovative. Last night for example after dinner my kids played “Just Dance 2” on the wii. It is hilarious to watch, multi-user, great family fun, entertaining AND it is a great workout! ( I particularly love to watch the boys get their ‘groove on’ -always good for a belly laugh, which is great for one’s health) Then of course there is the wii fit (my fav is yoga). So there are the brain-drain games, then there are a few that teach strategy, there are a few educational and the ones that are calorie burning. You choose which to purchase and which to allow your children to play and for how long.

This morning we used our cell phone (an electronic device) for Day 2 of “Couch to 5k”, certainly can’t argue the value of using your cell phone to train for a running race.

Let’s not forget the Xbox Kinect “Dance Central”,  for this you do not have to hold the remote as you do with the wii and it takes action shot photos of you while you play, which can pretty funny. We don’t have one of these, but our neighbor does and I think it is amazing!

The iPad has interactive books for children that allows the child to enter the story by picking clothing etc, then there is the “Drawing Pad” App for kids and if you want to get educational check out this website: 40 Amazingly educational iPad apps for kids

I can’t possibly list all of the valuable and innovative apps and games for every device out there, but there are many and they are great when they are used in moderation. (Like a healthy diet) My concern is always the amount of time spent on these devices, not necessarily because it is doing our children damage, but because we are missing out on a personal relationship with our kids if they are spending 12 hours per day on one device or another, and when the internet is involved (content is a major concern of mine) how much monitoring are parents actually doing even if the child is sitting at the kitchen table? So to reiterate; I am pro-tech in moderation because life can be pretty interesting in the physical world and there are so many lessons to be learned besides human interaction, manners, and verbal communication skills.

One additional note: my pediatrician always emphasizes the importance of chores for kids no matter what age, because they teach life skills that an iPad can’t, it also teaches them that they are an important member of a team (their family). A 3 year old can take a duster and do window sills,  or sweep a floor, or vacuum (all with supervision of course) and you may have to do it again later, but the importance of their participation in family life is great, and as they get older they can empty/load  the dishwasher, clean bathrooms, do laundry etc. I don’t pay an allowance, which some people do because it helps kids learn to manage their money, but I feel that as part of a family they need to pitch in and not expect cash for cleaning up after themselves, but rewarding them with 2 hours per day on their favorite device after their homework and chores are done is not a bad way to operate. (In my opinion of course) – I will add that my kids are old enough to earn money in other ways to buy things that they really want, but are not necessities, which it is my job to provide (including their entertainment expenses).

And finally (for real this time) I will mention “the love tank” this is not my invention, I read it somewhere, but I can’t recall where; so forgive me for not giving credit where credit is due, but I often ask my kids, “how is your love tank?” Is it full, empty, half -full? Which means, do you need a hug, or a chat or some private time with mom… and that doesn’t happen while texting, video chatting or playing video games etc!

FOR THE GOOD OF THE CHILDREN…Is it automatically bad if it is electronic?

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives. ~Albert Einstein

Tonight’s post is most definitely inspired by:

Pogue’s Posts: A Parent’s Struggle With a Child’s iPad Addiction

PLEASE CLICK THE LINK ABOVE. Those of you who have been following or reading my blog may acknowledge that I believe that within the realm technology and children lie the secrets of ‘The Force and The Dark Side‘ (I couldn’t resist the Star Wars reference tonight -Yo Yoda -so sorry!)

MY RESPONSE MIGHT SURPRISE SOME OF YOU WHO DON”T KNOW ME VERY WELL, but after reading the post I replied:

I don’t mean to minimize your concerns, but I thought I might offer another perspective; one that fosters the minds of creative thinkers, inventors, artists, composers. Ludwig van Beethoven and Albert Einstein, for example, both considered geniuses, and might have been labeled with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, made undeniable contributions to society, which might never have happened if their parents forced them to ride their bicycles or throw a baseball instead of exploring their interests. (How could I forget to mention Michelangelo?!)  My suggestion is go with your gut!

I think that that your being cognizant of the potential for a problem is what is most relevant here. The struggle with the guilt of quashing a child’s natural affinity for their particular gift or talent by restricting certain activities or behaviors, that may or may not be harmful to them, (because they are electronic) is such a precarious balancing act for a caring parent. Let’s say (for the sake of argument) that your son is obsessed, but not addicted. If that were the case, and you knew he were going to be the next Steve Jobs would you still restrict his access to the iPad?

We grew up on television ( I say that like we grew up ON crack), which is electronic, and I don’t know about you, but I learned to count in Spanish from Sesame Street, so TV wasn’t as bad as our parents thought it was! Granted as I mentioned before we only had 3 channels, but after reading your blog I really had to think back to the days when our kids were 6. They definitely had their obsessions, one with dinosaurs, one with a pair of yellow rain boots. My sister forced us to call her Daniel-son after the first ‘Karate Kid’ film, my brother forced us to call him Ernie and would not take off a Bert and Ernie t-shirt; it had to be peeled from his body while he slept… or he threw tantrums of epic proportions!

The key, I believe, is exposure, and balance. Have your child try as many activities as possible and if he always goes back to the iPad then you know that you should guide him in those areas that peak his interest by encouraging those activities that will inevitably help him find his gifts and reach his maximum potential as an adult; after all that is the ultimate parenting goal right? … Grow a child into a productive, successful and happy adult.

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.

~Helen Keller

Do you remember when….???

We walked two miles to school up hill both ways in the ice and snow bla bla bla…

As soon as a kid hears that they tune right out. I have come to realize that they have absolutely zero interest in what is was like to have to wait your turn to use the telephone, or the bathroom for that matter. (I grew up in a home with 6 kids, one bathroom and one telephone attached to the kitchen wall) I was having a conversation recently with my kids when I said something along the lines of the the fact that we only had 3 television channels to choose from, and my son angrily interjected that he didn’t care how many channels we had, because he has hundreds and Netflix too, so what was my point? I honestly can’t remember at the moment. What I do remember is that IF I said the words, “I’m bored” within earshot of my mother I would have been washing cloth diapers out in the toilet (by hand)… (I was obviously the oldest of the 6 kids, lucky me!) I learned at an early age to find something to do, and if not then look like you were doing something and above all don’t complain… it only leads to more chores. I had a rock collection; only rocks with white rings around them which I kept in a box under my bed, but I spent many hours in search of these beauties: I still have a thing for pebbles, I have a particular fondness for cairns and I can’t say why, and I love the smooth perfection of a North Carolina beach pebble as well. (Random -sorry)

Not only did I pride myself on my pebble/rock collection, but I had a fort…my was a fort was built from pallets, and shingles and other junk, I loved this place more than any place on earth, the front door was tied to a 2×4 with a sock. (Oddly enough the door was not large enough for an adult to fit through.) Sadly, only a few people might remember it (on the back of the barn), Jenny T, and Peggy K who might actually be able to get me a digital picture of it so I can share it with you… Peggy can you please????

My point in sharing all this isn’t to shame my children into being more creative, but to expose them to a different way of life. I was petrified to say that I was bored or complain about ANYTHING when I was growing up… we had a large family and always had a large garden, my mother would send me to pick green beans, which is back breaking work no matter how tall or short you may be. Once (when I was bored) she sent me to look for an Indian Arrow Head in the freshly tilled corn field adjacent to our house, and imagine her shock when I actually came home with one! (The Lenape Indians were from my neck of the woods)…. So I suppose boredom or the over-use of the term by adolescents is not a new thing, but technology makes me wish for my children that they only had three TV channels, no laptops, iPods, or cell phones… Am I old-fashioned or just old?

What are your thoughts?