Has YOUR child lied about their age to join a social networking site?

Were you aware that they lied? Did you help them set up the account? If so I recommend you read the article below and reconsider your decision.

 

Facebook Users Who Are Under Age Raise Concerns

 

When I read the article linked above I was startled by what I learned, which was quite a bit. According to this article, “Internet companies have set up the rules against under-age users because they must comply with the federal Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act, passed in 1998, which says Web sites that collect information from children younger than 13 must obtain parental consent.” I was also alarmed by the problems for the underage boy who was ‘friended’ by a poser classmate and had his photos linked to sexually explicit websites, but not until his name started showing up in Google searches did anyone notice. I don’t know about you, but this scares the bejesus out of me! Two out of my three children have Facebook accounts, but I made them wait until they were 13, which in my opinion is still a little young to be exposed to some of the content even on their own parent’s pages; for example photographs from the old fraternity days, do you really think it is okay for your child to see you stoned out of your gourd or drunk off your a$$? What messages are the youngest users getting from their parents, cousins, other family members or contacts who are shown in countless photographs of underage drinking?

Another problem is that today’s parents have a lot on their plates and it is very difficult to monitor all of the online access that our children have. I allowed my twins to sign up for Facebook accounts when they turned 13, but most of their friends already had accounts (my kids are the youngest in their class, but still there are teacher’s children who have been on Facebook for years, whom I happen to know were not 13 when they opened their accounts). I mentioned in a few earlier posts about banning my 11 year-old daughter from Sketchfu, which sounds like it should be relatively harmless site, but as I mentioned there was a chat feature, and she had people on her friends list that she did not know. Initially she was banned for her own inappropriate use of foul language, but it wasn’t until I did a little research that I found out that even Sketchfu has an age limit of 13. So when I confronted my  11 year-old about this, and asked her how old she said she was on her account, she told me that she lied and said she was 14.   I was disturbed by her having access to and/or being in an online environment posing as a 14 year old. I wish I could find some medical or scientific statistics on the extremes between the maturity levels of an 11 year-old and a 14 year-old, but since I have an 11 year-old and a 13 year-old I can tell you that at times it seems as though they are 10 years apart.

Once I found out there was an age limit for that site I told her that just as she does not have a Facebook account, she is not allowed to have a Sketchfu account until she is 13, but I know for a fact that she has been back to the Sketchfu site since I banned her, I just haven’t caught her. It is horrifying that it is so difficult to be vigilant when a child’s ease of access to these sites can even be had from their iPod Touch. Out of fear for my daughter, I want to post a warning statement on these websites that say, ‘please beware that there may be under age users on this site who have lied about their age, so keep your content on a 6th grade level’, but that interferes with an adult’s First Amendment rights, while trying to protect my child.

What is the answer? How many people use the parental controls on their computers? I have to tell you that on my last laptop I tried to activate them just under my kids log-in ID and I couldn’t even check my email when I logged in as me (and I am the administrator), it was a nightmare, so I finally had to turn it off. I am no computer genius obviously, but there are parents out there who know far less than I do that have no idea what there kids are up to, and if they did they would have no way of knowing how to manage it, because I too am at a loss. I have asked many parents and kids what the tech-rules are in their homes just to get an idea of what others are doing to battle this epidemic. I have borrowed some other parent’s rules and made them my own, but how do we protect children whose parent’s don’t even know they need to be protected? I guess we start with trying to manage it in our own homes and hope that blogs like this one and articles like the one linked to the New York Times above will help make people more aware.

FOR THE GOOD OF THE CHILDREN…Is it automatically bad if it is electronic?

The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives. ~Albert Einstein

Tonight’s post is most definitely inspired by:

Pogue’s Posts: A Parent’s Struggle With a Child’s iPad Addiction

PLEASE CLICK THE LINK ABOVE. Those of you who have been following or reading my blog may acknowledge that I believe that within the realm technology and children lie the secrets of ‘The Force and The Dark Side‘ (I couldn’t resist the Star Wars reference tonight -Yo Yoda -so sorry!)

MY RESPONSE MIGHT SURPRISE SOME OF YOU WHO DON”T KNOW ME VERY WELL, but after reading the post I replied:

I don’t mean to minimize your concerns, but I thought I might offer another perspective; one that fosters the minds of creative thinkers, inventors, artists, composers. Ludwig van Beethoven and Albert Einstein, for example, both considered geniuses, and might have been labeled with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, made undeniable contributions to society, which might never have happened if their parents forced them to ride their bicycles or throw a baseball instead of exploring their interests. (How could I forget to mention Michelangelo?!)  My suggestion is go with your gut!

I think that that your being cognizant of the potential for a problem is what is most relevant here. The struggle with the guilt of quashing a child’s natural affinity for their particular gift or talent by restricting certain activities or behaviors, that may or may not be harmful to them, (because they are electronic) is such a precarious balancing act for a caring parent. Let’s say (for the sake of argument) that your son is obsessed, but not addicted. If that were the case, and you knew he were going to be the next Steve Jobs would you still restrict his access to the iPad?

We grew up on television ( I say that like we grew up ON crack), which is electronic, and I don’t know about you, but I learned to count in Spanish from Sesame Street, so TV wasn’t as bad as our parents thought it was! Granted as I mentioned before we only had 3 channels, but after reading your blog I really had to think back to the days when our kids were 6. They definitely had their obsessions, one with dinosaurs, one with a pair of yellow rain boots. My sister forced us to call her Daniel-son after the first ‘Karate Kid’ film, my brother forced us to call him Ernie and would not take off a Bert and Ernie t-shirt; it had to be peeled from his body while he slept… or he threw tantrums of epic proportions!

The key, I believe, is exposure, and balance. Have your child try as many activities as possible and if he always goes back to the iPad then you know that you should guide him in those areas that peak his interest by encouraging those activities that will inevitably help him find his gifts and reach his maximum potential as an adult; after all that is the ultimate parenting goal right? … Grow a child into a productive, successful and happy adult.

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.

~Helen Keller